i want to scream and shout.

"you are so beautiful.. you're the kind of girl that has the chemicals to make me fall in love..." I love love love compliments and I never knew how much they meant to me.. 'till I stopped receiving them. Then other people started showering me with so many different compliments, I really didn't know how to react... *sigh. I have been pretty happy for the past.... day. Even though I made a freaking 80 on my chemistry test which made my grade go down, AGAIN, so now I have a 96 (BOOOO!) buttt on the other hand things are resolved between me & the boyfriend, thank bob. The only thing that really made me stay is that one moment where I actually lost him and I was in instant tears.. I knew right then that I couldn't be without him. Is it bad in your opinion if you call someone boo or bay and you are in a relationship?? But I am really excited that I may be going to San Francisco this summer ! I don't know if I blogged this or not but yeah, eeeek ! I think the boyfriend is on his way over here, so I need to sign out of this.. ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

confession.

"these are my confessions.. just when i thought i could say all i could say my chick on the side said she got one on the way.. " I miss us. I miss us when we were happy. I miss us when we were inseparable. I miss being able to talk to you about anything. I miss not having to sneak around. I miss when something was wrong, I could call on you, knowing you'll listen. I miss when I could think of your name without filling with anger. I miss knowing you'll be in my life for forever, without any doubt in my mind. I miss you talking to me about everything that was bothering you. I miss you calling me your best friend. I miss being able to fit in. I miss us being close. BUT now I have: a friendship that isn't going to last, someone who showers me with compliments, someone who calls me their best friend and they don't even talk to me unless they have no one else, a relationship that is rocky but we're still trying to get through it, a fistful of tears, & constant unhappiness.

SEN10RITIS.

Peer Pressure.

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i've missed you, dearly...

"although i've been missing you.. i'll find a way to get through..." So it's been awhile since I've blogged and I really do apologize.. I'm sure I've lost ALL the readers I had before but oh well maybe I'll gain some new ones? :) But I'm going to try to get on more often.. I promise. Oh gosh this past month has been HECTIC: from going to Ole Miss to meeting new friends to losing ones that I never thought I would lose.. But life goes on so I'ma keep moving. I'm so excited for this summer and next summer ! I wish I could just skip my junior year but then again I don't 'cause I am kind of ahh about next year : ) Me and the boyfriend are GREAT and I couldn't be happier.. I came to the conclusion yesterday that I'ma just do me and not worry about what he is doing.. I mean as long as he doesn't kiss or sleep with another girl then I'm cool. I'm tired of trying to tie him down so I'm going to let him be free.. Let him do him. I have another new friend :P and they are great, honestly. I needed someone like this in my life. On the 23rd, the boyfriend called and was all "since you were sleep yesterday I didn't get to tell you but happy one year, two months." & it made me so happy, I do not know if you remember but I made a huge deal about him not saying anything to me on our anniversary. I'm not even suppose to be on the computer right now but I'm in the office of my teacher's room, just "chilling" all alone. It feels great. I don't have to worry about anyone anymore. I don't have to be surrounded by fake ass people. And I love it. I now know none of my business will be spread or that if I tell someone something in complete confidence, they'll go tell their friends. So yeah it just feels great right about now.. I still don't have a job. WTF?! But ma mere said if she sees the boss lady, she'll talk to her.. So, hopefully I have a job before the summer 'cause I need $$ ; real talk. There really isn't much for me to tell you anymore.. This thing use to be like my diary because I had so much to rant and ramble about but now I'm happy with my life even if I have my sad moments, I do not feel as if there is much for me to talk about... So I hope all my little readers are having a good time at school, I'm going to try to post a few commercials up here...♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

stupidity makes me laugh.

"HATE IS A STRONG WORD BUT I REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU.." * I'm not even sure if I've used those lyrics before but I'm pissed off at the moment and I'll let you read why:

person: Your really fucked up just thought I'd let you know that. Don't ever fucking put your hands on me again.
me: First off: come at me differently 'cause I already apologized to your ass & me fucked up? Oh no sweetie. The fucked up thing is only you. I said I was sorry. More than once. And you still have the nerve to waste your time texting my phone with bull shit. So you're fucked up, just thought i'd let you know.
person: Ha okay. Like I said don't fucking touch me again. Is that clear? Your lucky I didn't hall back and hit you because I was that Pissed off. Stupid stupid bitch. Your pathetic. Telling me not too talk too you. HA! Fuck you.
Maybe if I could of "talked too you" in class I wouldn't be texting your phone, now would i?
And I'll get smart with you or talk too you how I want too. Don't like it don't read it. Can't always get what you want.
me: Stupid stupid bitch? Learn the definition of stupid before you try to call me that 'cause I know I'm sure as hell not fucking stupid. And ha fuck me? That's fine. One less fake ass person in my life, that suits me well. And why are you even wasting your time? It amuses me how people feed on drama 'cause you're steady sending text messags as if you're getting anywhere. I'm sorry. I'm 16 years old. I've learnt to grow up. I said sorry. I did the mature thing to do. & haha actually these messages are amusing me just to let you know. Stupidity makes me laugh.
person: Learnt? Learned? Like I said. Stupid Bitch. Not only stupid but fake as well. Im only fake too people I dislike. Like you. Yeah your so grown up going around pinching people like a man two year then can't even listen too what I have too say. So before you jump on me. Check yourself. Don't text back. Your not worth my time. I have "learnt" too ignore silly useless Bitches like you.
me: Bitch my phone automatically changes shit when I type it so don't even try to correct what i say 'cause I know how to fucking spell maybe you have forgotten but I am not you *** and haha don't tell me what to do you texted my phone first with this bull shit & not worth your time?! Then why the FUCK did you text me if I was not worth your time? Why did you take the time out of YOUR day to text me? Haha now answer me that. & oh please tell me how I am fake 'cause I really want to know. And the thing is you must be fake 'cause before today you acted as if you were friends with me but now all of a sudden you didn't like? Lol, smh. & oh silly useless bitches like me? Ha, I can't wait to read the other insults your stupid ass comes up with.
person: Well since your so smart. Follow what I said and don't text of back;)
me: And don't of back? Lol, alright still wasting YOUR time texting me. Take your own advice sweetheart.
person: I corrected myself. But thank you sweetheart
Too tell you the truth I never really liked you. In fact, the only reason why I acted like I liked you was because I felt sorry for you. Your life was and still is pathetic and I felt like I needed too brighten it up (:
me: Ha, really? Kay that's cool. I hope that helps you sleep at night.
person: It does (:
me: that's good :) I'm glad it does. Just remember karma is a bitch and one day it's going to bite you in the ass.
person: Just like it did you.
me: Oh no it hasn't bit me in my ass 'cause I am not fake like you darling but stop texting my phone, kay? Your ignorance is starting to piss me off.
person: Ha im just sharing the love. Your fake im fake we are all fake in the eyes of cecee. Go add this too your collection of pointless blogs *ARE MY BLOGS POINTLESS?!
me: I gladly will & go read about it maybe your ass will see how stupid all of this shit is. And learn the difference between your and you're and to and too since you want to correct the shit I say. But I don't have time for you. I actually have shit to do and people to talk to. So good bye darling & I thought you were taking your own advice? I guess you're too stupid to even do that.
person: Ha yep I sure am. Bye Bitch.

* And yes, I did let them get the last word but only because really? Where was that going? No where. It took a lot of backspacing to correct myself from correcting her stupid ass. Especially for the your, I kept typing you're. But seriously, am I in the wrong? I'll tell you what happened though: I pinched in her class just joking around and then I said sorry to her when she told me it hurt. Then she started crying. So, I said sorry AGAIN about it. But then she started talking about don't put your hands on me blah blah blah. And I was already pissed off from the class before. So I was all, "You better stop talking to me right now *** 'cause I'm already pissed off" ; which saved her from a lot of words being yelled at her and me getting written up. I don't have time for this childish shit though. UGH!

ohmyGAWD.

"i want your loving and i want your revenge, me and you could write a bad romance.. woah woah woah..." so I kind of like neglected my blog and I feel bad because I had the time and I had things to blog about but I just didn't feel like blogging. I need to wash my hair BAD it's been less than a week like 4 days since I've washed it but still my dandruff is taking over. But I'm soo lazy that I want to wash it 'till tomorrow after school so my hair is going to look rough all day at school :) It's not like I care though because my hair looked rough today and T-bear saw me and it didn't seem like he minded. Oh gosh I had the most amazing thing happen to me recently and it was just ohmyGAWD but it's one of those things that only certain people would enjoy. It was like getting your favorite ice cream and it being amazingly good then half way through it, it's just like THAT much better then once you start getting to the bottom, you don't want it to end but you know that you can't take anymore of your amazing ice cream so you hurry up and finish eating it then you're just like okay that was great and you want more at a later time. You'll just have to know what I was talking about to fully understand. [get your mind out of the gutter, though] But T-BEAR FREAKING HIT MY EAR TODAY. Like head-butted my ear. It was horrible. I jumped up and ran around screaming and holding my ear and everyone was really worried about me because they didn't know what had happened so they were all, "C'aria, what's wrong?!!" and all I could do was jump around. I was forcing back tears, it was horrible. My face is breaking out beyond bad and I hate it ): I wish I was one of the people who never got acne, I would be happy. I don't even know what to really write about in here.. I know I was trying to be really nice by posting something where everyone could see and then it was like it wasn't even appreciated. I mean damn. Once this summer comes there is no guaranteeing who I'll be friends with or what'll I'll be doing let alone next year. So, yeah, as far as I know, that was the last time I am seeing you in a long ass time. But then again you probably don't even care. Oh well. I hate it when my friends start getting closer to people I introduce them to. It pisses me off. Then when they aren't friends with the person I introduced them to in the first place they come crawling back to me because they know no matter what I'll be there. I hate that about myself. I am so far sticking to my not talking to people who really don't care about me thing. I only text/call/talk to four people now. And I'm content with that. I don't have to worry about my phone blowing up from people who just don't give a shit about me or my feelings. I hate that school is tomorrow and that I'm going to have to see fake ass friends again. As you can probably tell, I'm not in a good mood. Good night little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

is it too late to make a new year's resolution?

"Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere 'cause i'll doze off safe and soundly but i'll miss your arms around me... the silence isn't so bad 'till i look at my hands and feel sad 'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly. i'll sit on the front porch all night waist-deep in thought because when i think of you i don't feel so alone. and i'll forget the world that i knew but i swear i won't forget you. oh, if my voice could reach back through the past.. i'd whisper in your ear: oh darling i wish you were..." I want to be a psychiatrist but I think I may need one myself 'cause something is seriously wrong with me. I cannot stop crying. But I have a reason to. A really good reason to be crying but still damn I've been crying like non-stop. I sometimes wish I would have made a new year's resolution maybe I'll make like a mid-year's resolution because I know I definitely need one. The brakes in my mom's truck are like not even there anymore, it's pretty dangerous driving her truck atm so that means... I cannot go anywhere. Just great. I hope T-bear doesn't get too sleepy and fall asleep anytime soon even though I know he has to wake up soon.. I honestly do not see why he stays with me, I put him through SOO much hell but I cannot help it. A lot of things bother me. I love the show Cold Case that comes on TNT at this time of night too bad they cannot play it after school so I can watch it more often. Once the summer time comes though I'ma be hitting up Cold Case errynight ;) I feel as if I was a replacement until the real thing came back.. : And that really upsets me but I hope you had fun while it lasted. Oh gosh, I cannot believe that tomorrow is freaking FRIDAY. Where did my spring break go?!!! Lol, and oh all of the people that I did not talk to or did not get a text message from you first I'm glad you didn't because I've eliminated you out of my life :) kthxbye. -I've started saying that again, like I fbooked I'm progressively regressing back into my old self. My baby, the actual baby, is in the other room and I think I may go lay down with him. He will not mind my tears. He knows T-bear's name now XD and he gave him a hug and shared his food with him. I loved it. Oh the baby also learned a WHOLE lotta new words, he definitely broadened his vocabulary since last month. I was like woah?! Did you really just say that? And it was adorable cause he kept saying everything he saw and said "puhlow" and pointed to the pillow it was so cute :) He also does the little "I"m mad so I'm going to cross my arms and say no.." ahhh I love him. Hehe, yes if you cannot tell, the little guy amazes me. I wonder how I'm going to be with my own kids.. But little readers I need to talk to my T-bear now, we have some problems to work out ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.