duck waddle.

"baby i'm me... so who you? you're not me." while watching a movie I realized that people have this way of keeping things from the ones they love as not to worry them. Like if I had a serious illness I'll try to keep it from the people I cared about as long as I could until I had all the answers. I guess it's just human nature, I'm not sure though... I barely talked to T-bear today and it kinda upsets me but it's fine.. I'ma big girl & I'll survive. Lol, today I felt like a duck walking around because I was in so much pain, ugh. But it was still hilarious to me. I honestly do hate moving. The whole process is time consuming&frustrating. Soo many of my things are in storage but at least I have somewhere to stay which some people don't so I shouldn't be complaining. I wish tomorrow I didn't have to go to school because I'm definitely not prepared. But I'm going to lay down now, I'm extremely tired.
xoxo,
C'aria.

50 million questions.

"it's too late to apologize, it's too late..." I'm so sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was super busy (for the most part) but I promise that I'll try not to miss another day. Ahh, I had the absolute best time yesterday. It started off kind of slow but then my amazing boyfriend came over (: we just chilled with my little cousin asking 50 million questions about video games -_- but I'm going to leave out all the details of what all happened last night because I'm sure you do not want to know. But I will tell you we went out to eat with my mom & best friend. The mother treated, which is always great, lol. But in all my night was absolutely amazing. And now I'm sad that it ended! Oh well I'll be back later tonight with a complete post & not something from my phone. Before I go.. How was your weekend?
xoxo,
C'aria.

i'm at a lost for words..

"i'm on the top of the world with my baby..." today has overall been great. I'm trying to rush this blog to post it before it hits 12:00. That means 5 minutes of rambling.. hmm I don't know if I can do it. My T-bear is finally home. Ah, yay (: I think my tragus is closed.... wtf? that makes me really sad... I'm still trying to convince my mother to let me get my industrial done, maybe with a LOT of convincing, she'll let me but tomorrow I'm going out to eat with my boyfriend & my mother. I'm so happy they have developed this sort of bond or whatnot.. & his sister, i love her, she is really amazing. But I don't know what else to say and I know this is kind of a boring post, I apologize. I'll be back tomorrow with more.
xoxo,
C'aria.

zero.

"thank you for being a friend travel down the road and back again my heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant...." Today a friend decided to confide in me some information that I think I'd rather not known. But thanks for caring enough to tell me :) I'm use to being mistreated and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon, unfortunately. It's the sacrifice I make to keep a smile on someone else's face. I like for others to stay happy, I'd go out of my way to make sure someone else is okay. Even if that results with a few tears shed on this end. I've realized that once I get attached to someone/something I'm NEVER ready to let go especially if we've had a bond for a long time. I am so proud of myself because I made a 100/A+ on my chemistry test ka-ching! I don't know if you've realized or not but that's my new favorite word, well I used it before A LOT but now I'm starting to use it again.. I hate it when little boys stare at me especially when they say I'm cute or sexy. They are in elementary school, WHY ARE YOU CALLING GIRLS SEXY?! Maybe I was just a weird little kid in elementary school because I didn't have my first boyfriend 'till I was in the 6th grade. My only interests were my grades and definitely not boys, I always told my mom that I wasn't going to date boys but I guess things changed once I got into middle school. I still never had anything serious. Nothing physical. No hanging out. It was just a title of a boyfriend. I absolutely LOVE when I hear people talk to me about this blog... It makes me happy. People actually like my rambling and I've heard more than once not to stop blogging :) So thank you readers! My baby leaves tomorrow and it's going to be a longlonglong month before I see him again ): ugh I wish I could keep him here forever. But that'll make me selfish and that's definitely not what I want to be. So, I'll just let him go even if I'll miss him like crazy. (lol I'm talking like it's up to me if he leaves or stays..) I really want to get my industrial bar done now. I'm going to do A LOT of convincing tomorrow and try to get it done this weekend. People say I'm crazy for wanting it but it's sexy to me and I want it really bad. While watch ABDC, atm, I became aware of my love for Gaga! She is so amazing to me and idgaf about what anyone thinks about her. I wish I could dance or sing. No, I wish I had some sort of talent. It sucks because next year I really want to do Junior Miss but I have NO talent. Like none what so ever. All I can do is make good grades and that's about it. Ugh, I don't think I'm going to Junior Miss this weekend because of my lovely T-bear.. I think I'm just going to spend time with him since I haven't seen him since my birthday dinner. I've been sick for the past two weeks and I do not know if I'll get better anytime soon, hopefully I do not spread my germs to T-bear and he gets sick this weekend... If he does I'll feel really bad. Thinking about my schedule makes me feel AHHH. I'm so ready to be a senior. I wish I could just skip my junior year because I'm going to have ZERO fun classes besides yearbook, if I get into it, & if I don't get into yearbook I hope I get one of my alternatives (BCJ, drivers ed/pe, or theatre). I'm just ready for the end of this semester, really.. I'm definitely not ready for next week with mid-terms and such. Two of my classes I have no clue what we'll actually be tested on which is sad. Oh well I'm through rambling for tonight. Are you ready for the end of this semester?!
xoxo,
C'aria.

that's all i have to say.

"i remember the first day i saw him, i was immediately intrigued by him..." my head is pounding and I'm close to tears. I hate these headaches, they aren't migraines, they are just horrible horrible pains in the back of my head. It's like a heartbeat in the back of my head but instead of a rhythm that I don't notice, every beat sends this pain that sometimes gets unbearable. BLAH. One day maybe they'll go away.. hopefully. I thought today was Thursday so when I found out it was only Wednesday it immediately killed my mood : I think my test in chemistry threw me off, I'm not use to taking tests mid-week. Either way now that I know tomorrow is Thursday not Friday I can gripe and complain for one more day, lol, because that's all I do during the week until the weekend comes. And normally on the weekend I do not do anything anyways. So, I do not know why I'm always so excited for the weekend at least at school it seems like I have some sort of friends. But I texted pit bull today and while talking to them, I got invited back over to my old seat (ka-ching!) maybe a friendship will come of this? I do not know. I'm not getting my hopes up, I'm just SO GLAD to be moving away from the girl who asks 50 million questions. I was thinking about this "blogging movement" as a friend once called it and at first it was great. I was really happy about all of the people that decided to blog and now only two people actually keep up with their blog. No matter what I'm staying true to my blog a day. Even if that means my blog consists of one sentence, as long as I post then technically I've blogged. So.. T-bear cut his hair, it's not like I didn't love him when he was growing his hair out. But he looks SUPER SEXY now that his hair is cut. That's all I have to say :) While typing this my laptop decided to freeze (which my best friend told me to warm it up, lol) but it totally killed my ramble. Now all of these thoughts are swarming in my head and I'm not sure if any of it is appropriate for this blog. While talking to someone today they said that their friend told them not to replace them now that they've gotten in an argument (I changed up the words but that was the jest of it) and I realized that whenever someone is REALLY close to someone and that person and them get into an argument. They cling to the next person that is there and try to develop that same friendship with them that they had with the other person. I may be wrong about that but it's my opinion. I've witnessed it a lot and I've actually been a victim of it. It's really stupid, seriously. I think it may all because I miss all of my old friendships and now I see all of these people getting close and I long for that. UGH. I promise I'm going to stop blogging about me and not having friends. It's just been on my mind a lot lately. I do not think I'm going to the Ole Miss spring day anymore D: not because of my boyfriend because he wants me to do whatever it is to make me happy but my mom pointed out to me that I'll have a job -at least suppose to- and the days I'll be working are the weekends so that means C'aria will not be attending. Oh well that's just great. My family really really upset me today. It may have been really silly to others but I just hate the way I'm treated by them. They do not see the importance in putting my feelings #1 sometimes. I do not want them to think about how I feel, ALL THE TIME, but when I'm constantly telling you how I feel and you just ignore me? That's when I get upset and tweet/blog about you. This ramble is getting stupid and pointless. Because it's all going back to one topic: my friendships. Well more of my lack of friendships. The next thing I was going to type after the tweet/blog about you is: But it made me happy when my best friend texted me asking what was wrong. It shows that even though nobody else out there cares, and my feelings aren't always #1, my best friend still takes time out of what she is doing and texts to make sure I'm fine. Well, I guess I should have just typed it in the first place huh? Lol, but I do not know if you all know or not but whenever I'm blogging I rarely backspace unless I spelled something wrong but I honestly try to keep it a ramble and not delete anything that I've rambled about. I'm going to stop now my head is still hurting and the television is grabbing my attention. So, what's somethings that you want to say? (Even if nobody answers my questions, I still like to ask them :)
xoxo,
C'aria

at peace..

"when we first met i was surprised to get that feeling, that feeling that doesn't wash away with soap..." eating ramen noodles, listening to music, and blogging.. I feel at peace. Even though there are plenty of distractions like a baby crying and a video game turned up way too loud, I've blocked out all of those things. Right now one of my old favorite songs is playing, We Live by Superchick, and one verse always grabs my attention. "What do we do when tragedy is around the bend?" Maybe I'm a scaredy cat or something because I seriously think the world is coming to an end. It may not be as soon as 2012 or even in our generation. But I think it is coming sooner than some people may believe. Hurricanes, earthquakes, and floods.. What's next? Like I said I may just be a scaredy cat. Today, my creative mind (lol) came up with an excellent idea for our broadcasts. I'm pretty sure I do not have any readers that do not attend my school besides one but just in case I do: my school does weekly broadcasts that airs on Fridays. It's just a mini-news thing. But every week we will have some sort of educational commercial. It may not be strictly educational but the commercial will pertain to something school related. Isn't that just great? I'm excited. And I'm also excited for this weekend. No, excited cannot even describe it. I JUST HOPE I DON'T GET LET DOWN. Which I probably will.. So I shouldn't get my hopes up. Right now I'm on Tumblr while trying to do this blog. And it's SO distracting. That's why I had to leave Tumblr, I could never get anything accomplished because I was too busy looking at all the different pictures and such. But anyways back to this blog. I do not know if I'm going to change up my blogging style or not. I mean it's been working for me. I love rambling. Because that's all this blog is for. But my blogs seem so long & I'm sure people lose interest half-way through. I'm not sure if I really will though. Ah, I keep going off on tangents. I apologize. On my ride over to my uncle's house, the mother and I, were jamming to 'old school' music. It reminded me of old times. Both of us just dancing away. Being care free. I miss those days. When I was #1 in her life. Even if it may have only been for a few years. I was still #1 at one point of time and it was great. The Friends Exposed application on Facebook always upsets me. It reminds me of the fact that I only have TWO people in my life that mean anything. Especially those questions like, "Who do you text the most?" and "What friend would you take with you if..." I always alternate between two people. That is pathetic and it really does make me sad. Oh well. One day I will have friends. At least I hope so. I think I'm through for now. I may be back later tonight. All I ask is to mean something to you...
xoxo,
C'aria.

natural high.

"& only once the drugs are done, that i feel like dying.. " to stay true to the blog a day here's a mini rant. I wish I was like these people that had a natural high. No scratch that. I do have a natural high. Just a lot of things kill my mood. In example, Niecee calling me retarded and stupid. T-bear discussing my beliefs & whatnot. Things like that REALLY pisses me off. I want a constant high, is that too much to ask for? Today, someone said, "I'm not ignorant. Look at the class you're in." Seriously, YOU'RE A SENIOR, I hope you've taken the classes that they have.. It made me laugh though because they were justifying themselves by saying they've already taken the class therefore they couldn't be ignorant. If they were TRULY not ignorant as they say, they'll know ignorance has nothing to do with what classes you take. But anyways whatever keeps her boat afloat, I'm definitely not trying to sink it. I got my acceptance letter into AP Calculus (ka-ching!) and I'm just hoping some miracle happens so I can understand the things we're doing in Chemistry now. Blah. Anyways, the weekend needs to hurry. I'm close to crashing.
xoxo,
C'aria.