nobody looks.

"is it possible mr. lovable is already in my life? right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise? who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told?" I feel kind of relieved because I sent Angus an email, letting everything off of my chest. It's nice being able to tell all your secrets to someone who you don't care if they tell their friends. I realized though that while you're silently crying, nobody ever looks and asks you what is wrong. They just keep going on with their business. That makes me think if I just suddenly disappeared would people just keep going on with their business? Ah, I'm regressing back to my old self. I long for happiness. I mean I'm happy. But I don't have happiness. If that makes any sense to you at all. I can smile, I can laugh, I can be completely silly but when it comes down to it I'm not 100% full of happiness. There is this little piece of me that is still sad. I wish someone would just realize that I'm going through something right now because it upsets me more and more that they can't see that something is different about me. Right now I'm crying. That's just great. Ugh. I think these mood swings are killing me.. lol. But ma mere thinks I'm prego. That's just wonderful. I seriously don't know why people always think I am pregnant, out of all the people. I wore my lip ring out in public today for the first time in weeks and it felt nice. I may just start wearing it again. My rambles are getting shorter&shorter.. I don't even know why. I hate Sundays because I always get to sit back and think about the boring weekend I had. Yesterday, I washed my hair without even thinking about the fact that there was no blow-dryer.. So, I had to air dry my hair. Waking up with a big poof of curls/waves. I'm so glad my straightener can do wonders, thank you hot pink solia. I really honestly have nothing else to ramble about.. Wow, I'm like sitting here actually thinking about what to ramble... That may mean I need to stop now. So, that's exactly what I'll do. Good-bye.
xoxo,
C'aria.
p.s. earlier I was thinking about ways I could end my blogs... I have the regular song lyrics at the beginning but my endings are horrible. & also I was thinking about when I get older turning my rambling blog into a blog with pictures and a video of such of the "college life". Lol, "My Life as C'aria."

i said i was going to nap..

"i'll take my clothes off & it'll be shameless because everyone knows that's how you get famous." i said i was going to nap but instead I'm on my phone blogging. Isn't that nice? There is just sooo much on my mind that I don't know what to do. I'm upset and I need someone to talk to. Angus told me I could message them & that's exactly what I'm going to do. It feels nice knowing a person from Europe cares... Ugh. I just hope this feeling blows over because I hate it... Have you ever felt too content or too comfortable with something? Well that's how I feel now. & I hate it... I wish I could go into detail what's wrong with me but I don't want to cause any unnecessary damage. I feel like I'm about to cry, I need fresh air or loud music.. ahhh! I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I freaking hate this. Hello little tears, goodbye readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

so sleeping is fun...

"how many frogs do i have to kiss 'till i find my prince... 'till i find my prince?" so i was thinking about it & i really never got the whole teenage dating experience... all of my firsts have been w/ t-bear not that I regret it or anything, I think it's kind of sweet. It shows how I really feel about him, ahh. But apparently sleeping from 5:00 yesterday 'till now can get people mad at you -_- but I honestly did not mean to sleep that long, I guess I was just tired? But that is the reason I didn't blog yesterday. I went and got lunch & got home then went to sleep. Now I'm extremely hungry too bad I do not know how to cook. EPIC FAIL. I absolutely LOVE that I can blog via my phone's internet & not just through text messages. That means I can do all my bold(s) & even throw in a color change. I almost got in ANOTHER wreck & it scared the living shit out of, excuse my french. AH I failed my French exam, lol that is just great I seriously had to fight back my tears in class... That's how bad it was. Then I asked Madame if it was too late to back out of taking the Grand Concour(sp?) and people freaked out. But I do not want to feel anything like I did Friday and the test is this Thursday. I'm not prepared whatsoever! I am even thinking about getting my schedule changed & taking French IV off of it.. But on the bright side I think I did pretty well on my chemistry exam... I'm not too sure though so I'll just wait and see. Wow, for the first time I just backspaced but that's only because I was typing too fast & my phone couldn't catch up I guess 'cause things turned out funky. I want some pancakes.. really really bad. I think I may play a little COD today. I love that game now, somewhat, I just die WAY too much. It gets old. Hmm, I wonder what everyone is doing today... I may be the only one not sure of my plans. Ugh, I hate my life. I'm so ready to get a job. So, I'll know what I'll be doing on the weekends. Working. That's better than nothing. But I'm done rambling my tummy is distracting me.
xoxo,
C'aria.

new phone..

"next time you point a finger, i may have to bend it backwards or break it break it off..." I honestly hate exams more than anything.. I am not prepared for my my french nor chemistry exam which pretty much means I'm screwed tomorrow... & the bad thing is I'm not even trying to study for them. I feel like a failure. Ugh, my cramps are getting WORSE & it's bothering me to the point where I don't want to move. I'm blogging from my other phone because my touch phone pretty much died today. I couldn't do anything not even dial out... so, yeah it was time to retire that phone. I made a freaking 99 on my trig exam ! & I know you're probably thinking that's great or whatever but there was another girl who deserved like a low 90 because she missed 3 1/2 questions but the teacher let her change her answers (wtf?) & I couldn't change my ONE little mistake.. So, she got a 98 + 10 points making her end trig with a 100. That pisses me off, seriously. I'm not even sure how long this blog is going to turn out I keep texting & stuff so I have no clue. This morning I had a nice conversation with someone I greatly missed having in my life... I hope that means something, I dunno? Tomorrow I may be hanging with T-bear's sister! If their mother allows (which I doubt) but I still think the possibility of it, is awesome. I have a feeling something bad is going on... but I can't quite put my finger on it... hmmm. Oh well. I'm on the phone right now & I honestly do feel rude because I'm blogging in their ear but I need to get this ramble posted. Ah, tomorrow is the last day for me to buy my class shirt (gasp) maybe I should get $$ from the mother tonight. I hate it when people text me as if they are going to start a conversation then bam they don't text back. That really upsets me. This is all over the place & I can't get my thoughts in order, unfortunately. But OMG today I almost got into a car accident ): It wouldn't have been my fault but I would've gotten smashed... & probably been extremely hurt -_-
xoxo,
C'aria.

it feels nice...

"you're just a fool & you can't change the world..." i woke up with a 3 page text message from two people who I really care about...that feels nice. Sorry, I have nothing else to say.
xoxo,
C'aria.

the smell of spaghetti is yummy.

"i'm overly attracted & terribly convinced that i could be his princess and he could be my prince..." I am being extremely lazy (not a good thing during exam week) & I haven't moved out of my bed since I got home. Oh freaking well. I took a nice little nap and I actually got on Tumblr and looked through all of the posts, there are some VERY interesting things you can find on that website. I haven't studied or anything of that sort but I'll just cram tomorrow. Hopefully, I do not regret waiting 'till the night before to cram for my exam. The only thing I'm really worried about is my french III exam but that isn't until Friday so.. yeah. I love the name Chelsea gave to her daughter on 16 & Pregnant ; it reminds me of the name of a future daughter that I may have one day: Skye Leyah Taylor. The only problem with that name is which one would she be called...? That's also like my Xoe Capri Cheyenne. In the Skye-Leyah-Taylor that would all be her first name... but in the Xoe Capri Cheyenne, Xoe would only be the first name but I'm sure she could choose. I fell asleep with socks on today and that makes me upset. I absolutely hate wearing socks, I wish one of my teachers wouldn't care soo much about dress code because I definitely wouldn't wear them to school. I am behind on my deadline for BCJ and that is only because I can not think of anything to do for a shout-out. I know what the shout-out is going to be but the whole graphics and such of it, is a dilemma. I know what I may say next may possibly cause some damage but I wish I could talk to T-bear more. It is not like I am a needy type of girl but I like being able to check my phone and see that it is from him and not from Twitter or Facebook. It is really bothering me and maybe that's because I'm moody right now (mood swings alert) but I just wish that he had more time for me. I know it isn't his fault but still.. A girl can always wish. I have this weird thing for wishing at 12:34 and once it really upset me when someone kept telling me to wish at 11:11 which I rarely do unless I'm in school and it reminded me of a thing they use to always say with someone else about making wishes at 11:11... I hate finding out things months and months after it has happened. Like someone told me that once there was doubt about the future & it upset me but what could I do? Nothing at all. Just tear up and do absolutely nothing. If I got pregnant I would definitely make sure I didn't have a shitty baby daddy because these girls are trying to hold on to something that is apparently not there.. Those guys do not give a damn about them. Excuse my language. I saw someone cry today and it upset me. I use to always cry in class. I'm not sure if any of my readers remember this. But it was always over personal reasons. Family issues or boy trouble. I have had the worst past a 16 year old can imagine. I have seen things I should have never seen & have been in situations that I should have never been put in at such a young age. I am so glad that I'm somewhat stronger now and I do not cry in class. At least I can bottle up my tears until later on when nobody is around. Good job C'aria. My phone is really about to crash.. I'm just hoping it waits a month or two because I definitely cannot afford the phone I want right now, UGH. But I gotta eat now my food has been sitting on the bed beside me for the past 30 minutes. Sorry I do not have a question today(tonight)!
xoxo,
C'aria.

now close your eyes...

"get crazy, get wild, let's party, get loud.. if you wanna have fun then do something crazy.. like flash yo titties." So driving with hazards lights on is DEFINITELY not fun when you have no choice but to.. Pig has this sort of way of making it entertaining, though, lol. It is one of those you had to be there moments. Gah, while looking at my eyebrows (which need to be re-done, bad) I started thinking about how weird it is that little pieces of hair grows out of your forehead [basically]. My mind operates a little funny maybe that's why I just thought it was so weird. Like have you ever just set back and thought about some of the things around you? Like right now I'm looking at this heart looking stuffed animal. Why is it the shape is called a heart but in NO way resembles what an actual heart looks like? Just certain things makes me think... hmm.. I think it is safe to say that me & a fellow reader are no longer enemies (at least I hope so). I would try to start a friendship or w/e but I think it may be too late for that. I talked to pit-bull today, it felt like old times. I actually didn't sit there and wait for the bell to ring, for once in a long time I was dreading the end of class... weird? I taped a nice little video of the parking lot road rage but only got two good things worthy to put into the commercial.. So your car may be in the next broadcast! Lol, I had a lot of waves and a lot of people staring and trying to talk to me though -_- Just trying to get some camera time. I realized that there is a majority of people that only text/call whenever they need something from me or need to ask me a question. They never just text to see how I am or to see what I'm doing, it's always "hey.. did you do your homework?" or "hey, do we have a meeting?" blah. I'm not upset that they do text but dang is that the only times you can text me? & this is definitely not about one certain person this is about A LOT of people so do not think I am targeting you in this post. I love blogging via a computer, it is so easier to get my thoughts out without having to struggle with my phone that is soon going to break.. I don't know what I'm going to do once it does : I hope I get the job soon so I can possibly start saving $$ towards a new phone.. That'd be nice. I realize now that whenever I'm listening to music I say, "that's going to my next blog beginning..." I'm always thinking about blogging. I seriously think I'm just not going to do my homework/study just so I can finish up this blog & go surfing the web. EPIC FAIL! I love the way it looks to have something all black with random red writing. I use to always do that on my Myspace layouts. Oh gosh, I miss those.. I sometimes had really really amazing ones that I always got complimented on. I wonder if I have gotten any new readers.. Hmmm? It is kind of weird thinking that people are reading all of my thoughts and actually liking it. I wish I had a tape recorder to record some of the conversations I have in class especially those in chemistry, OH GOSH. Seriously they should have a rating on conversations because they're definitely not PG-13. Today, I asked someone why their relationship with someone ended and they just told me, "don't worry about it," normally that wouldn't bother me but that really upset me. I won't let them know that it did though. Ah, I suck at using quotation marks and commas, definitely a weakness of mine. I need to take the ACT like really really bad. Every time I talk to my counselor she brings it up.. But I turned in my schedule thingy today and I seriously got a 20 minute conversation about my future and how I'm such a great student. It was nice to hear those things about myself but I was also ready to get to class.. Anyways, I'm going to go now because it's getting late and I'm beyond tired. So, I guess I'm not doing any of the work I needed to, I'll just do it tomorrow in first block. What's some of the things you do when you're bored and you need something crazy to do?
xoxo,
C'aria.
p.s. if you're a new reader, comment & lemme know!