i know you're tired of me.

"dear mr. president.. come take a walk with me.... let's pretend we're just two people and you're not better than me, i'll like to ask you some questions if we could speak honestly. what do you feel when you see all the homeless in the street? who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep? what do you feel when you look in the mirror, are you proud? how do you sleep while the rest of us cry, how do you dream when a mother has no chance to say good-bye? how do you walk with your head held high? can you even look me in the eye and tell me why?... dear mr. president, were you a lonely boy? how can you say no child is left behind, we're not dumb and we're not blind. they're all sitting in yourselves while you pave the road to hell. what kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away? and what kind of father may hate his own daughter if she were gay?" sorry for that long update of lyrics and I know I just updated with a ramble but as soon as I posted I went and read my best friend's blog.. And this song came to mind. "Dear Mr. President by Pink". It is kind of funny how those lyrics basically describe what was going on while Bush was in office and she, my best friend, made a good point nobody posted on these social networking sites that they hated Bush or that Bush has done nothing but bad for the country. And like when I think about it, it just honestly upsets me to the max of how racist people can be to the point they somehow see nothing but bad since Obama has been president. I.e. my teacher, he says most racist remarks regarding the president or black people in general and I mean he may mean no harm by it what so ever but for people to say things like that just really ticks me off. But I really didn't have a point for this blog. I just got filled with anger once I got finished reading her blog. Not because of what she said. But because of the points she made and every single one of them was true. I feel as if I'm not old enough to be SOO involved in politics like some people may be but it gets to the point where I have to say something and my teacher better hope that day doesn't come in his class. Good-bye little readers, again, ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

the 22nd.

"women love it when we pour shots, gives them an excuse to suck our cocks..." so that song is definitely stuck in my head, oh geez-us. I don't even think I got the lyrics right but oh well ; little parts of the songs are running together in my head while I am trying to ramble. "i'm fucked up, i wanna fuck.." - wouldn't you like those lyrics stuck in your head? Well, I've been a big baby for the past like 5 hours mainly because it's the 22nd. I guess after the year mark, every month after that doesn't matter 'till you hit 2 years.. Because I definitely didn't get any acknowledgment from T-bear that today makes a year & a month. I still think that every single month matters, it's like "bam in your faces, bitches, we made it another month." Eh, I guess I should stop overreacting.. I'm still waiting for my sweet text message though ): I never know what to do around report card time, I mean I get it signed because I have good grades so I have nothing to hide but then I end up not even turning it in because none of my teachers ask for it... Does it still matter in high school ? I ate my last muffin today so I guess I have to leave the house early enough to get breakfast or else I'ma starve and my stomach will definitely be yelling at me for two blocks straight. I realized that today I am not the only one that feels a certain way about a certain somebody and that makes me somewhat happy. It shows that I'm not being a jealous *bitch* just a girl that over-analyzes everything.. But "J'ai raison." Oh, T-bear is still stuck on this french thing and I am like AHHH because I hate thinking in French, I much rather prefer my English thinking mind... Like par exemple.. Il a parlé: Comment allez-vous? Which simply means, 'how are you?' Eh he could've simply said ça va? & It was just throwing me off.. Ugh. But I'll stop with the French. I just had to look up the alt codes to get the accents, which is a pain using a laptop... You cannot use the numbers in the row or whatever so I have to do ALT+FN+the 4 digit code. I am being really short with T-bear and I kind of feel bad for it but he should realize that SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. My visitor does this to me, I promise. 2 weeks of the month, I'm completely cool. Tomorrow I'm going to my future work place, eeek, to get me some ice cream. Yummm. I've been thinking about it and if everything in my life goes wrong I'm moving to France. Mhmm. Oh and once I graduate college or whenever I save up enough $$ to take a nice little summer vacation, I'm going to Thailand. Bangkok, to be exact, I hope my gma is still alive so I can bring her with me. It's sad she hasn't been to her home since she was 19. I love learning Thai even if I do not retain much of the information, I remember how to say will you marry me but I don't remember how to type it in the English way.. And of course I know how to say Hi and I love you. Hehe, I think that's enough to get me by, right? I made a 94 on my chemistry test and that kind of upsets me, I know I could've made a 100. I knew that test. No doubt in my mind I knew it. I just don't know what I messed up on.. I hate the beginning of adv. algebra, even if it's just review, I hate going through the sections sooo fast.. I am a really smart gal but still my memory doesn't go back past trig (which is sad) so I don't remember algebra 2 stuff. But KA-CHING we are going to be able to get service points for tutoring, I am definitely getting my 10 points that way. I'm going to go sign up for all 9 tutoring days. Lol, that's sad. But I really do need points. And staying 'till 4:30 after school isn't going to kill me. The only thing though is if I get a job I won't be able to tutor Wednesdays so hopefully there will be tutoring days in May.. I really do not want to get kicked out of Beta Club that'll look really bad on my transcript. Oh well, I'm done rambling for tonight. I'm extremely tired and I'm going to go talk to my T-bear. Love you all, little readers ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

daniel jacob radcliffe.

"everywhere we go, everybody knows, we're just a bunch of animals..." so my little visitor decided to come today, bringing a shitload of pain. I wish I could ask ma mere for birth control but that may send the wrong message. & I definitely do not want that message being sent to her.. I miss my T-bear like a lot a lot ): I've became completely vulnerable. I've let down all my walls and completely opened up. It may have taken awhile, 1 year to be exact, but I have finally opened up all the way.. Leaving me more vulnerable for heartache.. Hopefully that doesn't happen though. T-bear is speaking French to me, he is using a translator most likely and it is completely confusing me. Oh well I am getting bits of it. Harry Potter is absolutely AMAZING! If it was possible I would drop everything to meet Daniel Jacob Radcliffe in person. His face is just...beautiful ah... Oh well I need to get rid of my childish dreams. Spring break is coming up and I am going to be completely, utterly bored. Anyone want to hang out with me? I'll love you dearly :) I am no longer interested in blogging like I once was. So, I apologize but I'm sure you've lost interest anyways. I really don't have much to say, I had a nice little blog typed up but my phone wouldn't let me send it. Oh well. But I need to start saving $$ for a phone and a laptop. ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

COD.

"mes bras, mon coeur, mes épaules et mon dos... je veux te voir des étoiles dans les yeux...." so I have this new sort of love for the special ops on COD, it makes me feel... happy. Killing people on video games is really fun, lets out my anger. I am watching Diary of a Mad Black Woman and if a man ever treated me the way he did her, I would seriously "go ham". Not only did he cheat on her and have kids by another lady, he drags her to the door to get her out of the house. That is really fucked up. I cannot find any cute clothes that I really want to buy.. Maybe it is because I have no $$ to buy anything. Uh-oh. Being in the negative, sucks. I really want to skip 2 years of my life and just turn 18. I need freedom of some sort because I honestly feel confined -_- Oh gosh I say, really, a lot now. I have to go to the potty really really bad and I have been holding it for awhile now. It is starting to bother me now. I need a new blogging style, seriously. My thoughts are all jumbled together. Ugh, the little boy, aka my cousin, is back. He annoys the crap out of me. I wish he would be like the baby, I heart him. I have never felt so lost without my boyfriend, I think I am seriously getting too attached. I cried and cried yesterday because he left. I even started crying in front of him, definitely a first. I don't know why this time it was so hard to say good-bye.. I wish I had a car of my own. Buy me one? I'll love you forever. My stomach is getting big, ew, I hate gaining weight. I needa cut back on all the food I eat. I am really sleepy and I have a feeling my weekend is going to be EXTREMELY boring. Like always. Isn't that just great? Well, I'm going to go now.. ♥.
xoxo,
C'aria.

i hate good-byes.

"hate is a strong word but i really really really don't like you. know that's it's over, i don't even know what i liked about you. brought you around but you just brought me down...." so I'm starting to really NOT LIKE someone again, seriously lose his number, ugh. I am 100% jealous and I absolutely hate for girls to text my boyfriend's phone and this is not about one specific person, it's about quite a few people. It's just one of the girls, I actually was starting to look at differently and not feel with hatred everytime I saw her... Oh well. I have this weird thing I do while I'm driving, I look in the rear-view mirror to see who is behind me and I get comfortable with that car and once they turn off I feel somewhat sad.. It's really creepy. But I really do hate good-byes it ruins my day, my night, & my mood. On top of that people have this way of getting under my skin, lately. I definitely do not like to be ignored in any sort of way so when I do get ignored, I am pissed and I had that happen to me today. Seriously are they more important than me? It appears that way. My chest is really bothering me, atm, I am getting these sharp pains that are totally random. Oh gosh I have SO much homework and I don't know why I haven't done any of it yet... I'm even thinking about a nap first. Lol, that's just great. Something is wrong with me because I don't care as much anymore... Last night I had a nice little ramble typed up but someone went to another website making my ramble go bye-bye.. That's the downside of using my phone. But I think I am going to close this out now, I'm kinda upset... ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

so...

"i'm running out of things to say to you, so why am i wasting my time?" I really need to get back to rambling but nothing comes to mind. Soo.. Good night readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

this is eating me alive.

"my eyes are open wide & by the way, i made it through today..." there is nothing really for me to say.. I'm not my regular self lately. I'm going to fail m chem test tomorrow & I didn't do anything of my homework. I feel horrible ugh. I really can't do this right now. Things are getting worse & it's eating me alive.
xoxo,
C'aria.