why can't i sleep?!

It's summer time and for some reason I just CANNOT sleep in.. It's either my mom waking me up @ 6 'o clock or me realizing that I can watch Lifetime all day without having to worry about going to school! I've came to the conclusion that lately my life like revolves around my boyfriend. If I'm going out and doing something it's because of him. If I'm having company over, it's because he is coming over. If I am talking on the phone it's because I am talking to him. Maybe he is my one true best friend/lover. Or maybe I just don't have anyone in my life besides him, oh well, it really doesn't bother me. What does bother me is how people come into my life, saying that they'll always be here for me, & next thing I know there is this whole part of their life that I don't even know about.. So yeah thanks for always being there. Lol everyone is talking about The Game marathon and I'm always excited about a Lifetime movie marathon! I'm the total opposite of half of the people in my generation. I hate how I don't know the difference in "I am use to this" and "I am used to this".. I still do not know which one is correct and it really bothers me. I want my report card! I have a feeling I'm not going to get it -.- because of this address change, ew. I wish I could say today was going to be an extremely lazy day for me but I need to go out and buy stuff to start my summer work. I am going to be swamped with work, which I really do hate. I'm so glad I don't have AP Chemistry work, too! I would have died. But I'm running out of stuff to ramble about.. 12 minutes before my movie marathon starts. Hope the weather isn't too bad over where you are little readers!
xoxo,
C'aria.

promise !

So it's really late for me to update this butttt... I got my very first promise ring ! :) and I absolutely LOVE it. I don't know if it was the best time for him to give it to me.. but oh well, there is nothing I can do about it now. Eh, I am extremely jealous even when it comes to people who I am not even dating.. That is a darn shame. I just hate it when people start talking to those certain people who are mine. POINT BLANK. I filled out job applications, yay! I applied for: Rue 21, American Eagle, Pac Sun, the pretzel place, Wet Seal, & Starbucks... And I'm still the one person the lady is going to call if she needs someone at Ben & Jerry's. I hope I have a job soon, seriously. I need the $$ & plus it'll occupy my time.. Because basically my days consist of me sleeping & waiting 'till the boyfriend comes over. So.. I'm renting a car, I think June 12th, and riding down to Pensacola.. Anyone wanna come? If you're reading this then you're invited! I'm going to try to rent a SUV so I'll have room. I just wanna go to the beach BUT not Biloxi/Ocean Springs/Pascagoula. So, hopefully everything works out.. The fair is coming soon ! Like two weeks soon, eeek. I think a big group of me & my friends are gonna go, if you're reading this: you're invited, too. I think I'm going to start blogging again because I really have missed it. Yummy, I have an oreo mcflurry ♥ Jordan wrote me a letter ! I was so excited, lol, it felt nice that he actually remembered to write me even if it did take him awhile..I miss him so much. Like I'll go to text him when I'm upset or when me and the boyfriend are arguing and then I remember that I can't.. It's quite upsetting. But I have a summer's resolution: Make new friends.... Wanna be my friend?
xoxo,
C'aria.

Pointless.

I said I'll be back blogging.. but I see no point in it.. I didn't get my scholariship. At least I'll have a job for 2 weeks... Hmph. Going to graduation tomorrow & I don't even know why...
xoxo,
C'aria.

i don't know why it's so hard to blog..

so I think I'm going to stop with all of the lyrics & crap 'cause that requires too much thinking, lol.. I sound lazy but things have definitely changed in my life.. I don't know what to do, I want my old life back, real talk. I just wanted to post a little update telling everyone, I'M BACK ! I'll be updating more tomorrow, the boyfriend is over. Sleep well little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

i'm so obsessed...

"the way you move ain't fair you know, hey soul sister, i don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight.. hey hey hey, just in time, i'm so glad you have a one track mind like me.. you gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny.. i'm so obsessed my heart is bound to beat right out of my untrimmed chest.. i believe in you, like a virgin, you're madonna and i'm always gonna wanna blow your mind..." The song may be old, yo. But I still love it and everytime I hear it on the radio I just have to crank up the volume! I'm listening to this dude's playlist and it has the most amazing pop/rap songs on it from the past month.. I am really digging this. I don't know what happened to my old life. Like what the freak? Where did you go? I don't even know. Lol, I can't even stand to hear your name.. It's like I instantly fill with anger. Which is frankly my dear, sad. I was suppose to be going to the doctor today but instead I am on the computer, lol... I missed school for nothing. I definitely did something that I regret more than anything, ew. I fucked up. Hopefully it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass.. But I have a feeling it is.... This was a pointless update but I just felt like doing something, I'm bored! I guess I'll go listen to music & update my playlist.. I love you little readers, ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

thinking.

"i'm lucky to be in love with my best friend, i'm lucky to have been where i have been, i'm lucky to be coming home again..." So yeah. I have had my ups & definitely my downs, lately. I seriously thought it was over between me & the boyfriend, like there was no way in saving our relationship but after last night I am starting to think differently. I just needed to get some things out and he needed to just listen. Even if that means I was yelling and hitting and beyond upset, it was exactly what our relationship needed... I kept things bottled up way too long. So, now things are getting better... not to the point where if someone asked, "how are you & your boyfriend?" i could honestly reply, "good or great!" but it's getting to that point.. I am coming down with something, I swear. Yesterday, I convinced myself I had a migraine but today I feel the same way I did yesterday just 10x worse. I took medicine and I hope that helps, one of my friends said the thing I really need is sex, lmao. I'm trying to be optimistic about things in my life. Ie: Because of the fact you walked out of my life and you're no longer there for me, I now have room in my life for people who would never do that to me ; because of the fact you like to gamble, I got a new purse ; because of the fact we're not friends anymore, i don't have to keep lying to you, convincing you that you are pretty. So, yeah that's my new way of thinking about things.. The boyfriend is gone.. but they get out not this Tuesday but the following Tuesday, (I think) EEK. I'm excited for what this summer has to bring.. Maybe new friends. I know a loss of a lot of my current ones. Maybe I'll get a job. Or a car. Maybe something will happen and I'll have to move. Idk. I'm excited though. I'm ready for change. C'ariaAushla'Juan is a unique name, I should never be limited to the same ole every single day. I have this new rule in my life now, though, once you leave don't expect to come back into my life. Real talk. I'm tired of shitty ass people trying me anyway they want to. So, if someone decides to stop talking to me. Stop hanging out with me. Then that's cool with me. Just don't come back whenever you start missing me. My medicine is kicking in.... ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.