UPDATEEE:

I haven't blogged in oh gosh I don't know how long.. and I'm pretty sure I have like zero readers now.. but I'ma start again :) I promise ! But over the past few months so much has changed in my life, I am no longer with T-bear but now I'm with "Trey Songz" (insider). Leaving my past behind was definitely a challenge for me, one that I didn't think I would be able to accomplish but now that it is done --I'm happy. I don't have to feel tied down anymore it is now like I have this new sense of freedom. It's not like I talk to other guys or anything 'cause I'm still in a relationship but it just doesn't feel like I'm obliged to do anything... if that makes sense. Eeeeek! I have a secret. SHHHH. You can't tell anyone though. There's this guy that uses the L-word with me. He's not my boyfriend though. But okay back to this blog: I am in yearbook right now. Bored. I miss my boyfriend... A LOT. I have yet to start on my timeline and it is due WEDNESDAY. Oh gosh, I am a slacker. I'ma close this though but I promise I'll be back :) I miss blogging...

PISSED OFF.

It's been awhile since I've been so pissed off that I've burst into tears.. And right now I cannot stop crying. & I hope you all are talking about me because I'm pretty sure you are but that just goes to show what kind of friends you are.
xoxo,
f'kn C'aria.

your opinion doesn't matter.

So, just saying if you're not my mom/best friend/boyfriend then your opinion really doesn't matter to me to be honest so just don't even say anything to me 'cause HONESTLY I may ACT as if I care but I really don't give a shit. I'm basically about to go off right about now, ugh.
xoxo,
C'aria.

I have no clue what I'm doing.

I am not doing the letters anymore.. Well if I do it won't be in that order 'cause I really slacked off.. I just want to write specific letters in that list. But lately I've been hanging out with my 2thugs and that's about it.. Nobody else at all. I don't know what's up with that.. I'll be moving into my apartment, UGH, uh Sunday or Monday which is exciting 'cause I have an address !!!!!! Yay, I will be going to GHS with my friends :) I have this temper, lately, that is getting out of hand -- seriously. I've been going off on EVERYBODY&ANYBODY without even caring. Oh, I got my tattoo :) I was so excited to get it ! I didn't even think about the pain that was going to come with it but it hurt, a lot. It's soo tiny though in my opinion but that shitttt hurt like hell. I couldn't decide on the position & I was really leaning on my shoulder because the best friend suggested it & it seemed like a perfect spot but everybody else was like no, get it on your foot! But nobody could tell me what part of my foot to get it on so yeah my uncle & this girl ended up picking the spot exactly. Last night the boyfriend came over anddd it was great, things felt better between us *thumbs up*. He lost his keys though -- we have yet to find them -- and my mom, him, grandma, and my aunt all looked for his keys for like an hour straight then finally I had to drive him to Gautier to get the spare key and then drive him back to OS, we got back at 2:00 in the freaking morning. I was so tired >.< Anyways, tonight should be fun. BWW with the girls :) Later.
xoxo,
C'aria.

oh..pstt.. I need to let go of my grudges but every time I think I'm over it, I see or hear something that just pisses me off all over again... I still hate the people well person that I guess I shouldn't. Oh well. K, now you can go :)

done.

i'm not doing the letters again for awhile & i'm probably done blogging for awhile, too.
xoxo,
C'aria.

lazy.

i don't feel like doing the letter today so i'll do both tomorrow or do three monday :) i'm about to go out -- i think. so have a nice saturday night little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

CONFUSED.

What am I suppose to do when I know details about something that I really shouldn't know? Because it puts me in a really awkward situation. I don't like hurting my friends but I don't like seeing my friends hurt.. So, do I be the bad guy or just sit back and watch someone else take that role? Oh, btw little readers, I love my new twitter name :)
xoxo,
C'aria.

how long do i wait?

so the interview was an epic fail and now i'm just like f'itttt & i'm going to go apply to a few places and then harass the places i've already applied for but i am still hoping i get a call - yano ? i'ma try this whole post without any capitalization but i'm not sure if i can 'cause it looks cool when i'm texting but it looks kind of dumb while i'm blogging. i was suppose to go out to eat with the boyfriend & the mother to my knowledge at like 7 tonight -- plenty of time to clean & get dressed right ? well apparently he forgot about that 'cause he volunteered himself to go to BWW w/ another couple - wtf? then asks me to go with them in like 30 minutes. uh, hell nah i'm not going to rush to get dressed & rush to clean up just because you forgot about our previous plans. anyways, i HAVE to start doing my summer work soon after sunday i'ma really get to it 'cause none of my shows come on 'till around 7'ish so i'm going to give up watching television to do my summer work. for some reason it really hurts to type right now and my arm feels all funny, so have a nice day little readers ; this rain is relaxing ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day fourteen.

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Dear _______ ,
I am going to keep the name anonymous because I think it's pretty messed up how you treat me like I don't even exist or that we never had a great friendship. We talked 24/7 and you were like my best friend but I guess people change, huh? Drinking and partying is just that important to you that you cannot even hang out with people that don't do that. Well, I'm glad we've drifted apart because all you're doing is wasting your life and f'ing up your liver. So, keep going on pretending we never had a real close bond, it's cool 'cause I'll probably live longer than you ;)
f'you,
C'aria.

job interviewwww.

Yay, my very first job interview is today :) KA-CHING. I really hope I get this job but I'm not sure if I will and I'm not even sure if I blogged about this last night.. I'm really tired, atm.. But if I don't get this job then I am hoping Aero calls me or I'm going to apply to Waffle House -- waitress maybe ? = tips $$ :) but now I do remember blogging about my job interview.. so I'm going to move on to another subject. Last night I was watching Cold Case and it made me cry because these two girls were one of the first girls to get accepted into an all boys military academy or whatever they are called -- i'm not sure but one of the girls left within a week because of the fact she was hurt many times during hell week & one of the boys threatened her by saying "leave now or you'll be carried out in a box" so she left BUT the other girl stayed. She mainly stayed to prove herself to her father who didn't want her to go but him, his dad, & his grandfather all went to that school and she wanted to go, too. The girl shaved her head and was able to do what the guys did + a little more.. She was super tough and didn't want to leave no matter what, she wanted to gain the respect that she deserved and she wasn't going to cry her way through it and she didn't ever complain about the way she was treated.. Well, she went "missing" and three years later her body showed up.. It was one of those To Be Continued episodes but it showed this one guy who I think is the killer.. But it put me in tears watching that show because I hate how those people die and I know it's all fictional but I'm sure stuff like that really happens or happened.. One episode showed where this guy had the opportunity to be treated as a white man and he took that opportunity.. His mom was Cajun so he was much lighter than his family and when he went into the military the guy was like "you must can't read? you marked the box next to nigger." and he saw his chance to be treated as a white man well his friend, black friend, saw this happen but never said anything until years later when the 'white' man was successful and he wasn't but the thing is though he was still the same person, he was still trying to help out his friend and he gave him a house in a really good neighborhood thing that they were building but the bank had denied the guy the loan because he was black. Well the man was like I'll go to the bank and fix it, it must be a mistake.. The black man still killed him though. I just don't understand that. And yes, like I said before I know this is all fictional but still -- dang, you cannot be mad at the fact that he took that opportunity but then again it's pretty messed up that ole dude had to keep his real family secret, keep his real life secret just so that he could live a good life. I'm about to get off here though and go take a shower, have a good day little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day thirteen.

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear unforgiving person,
You are nonexistent in my eyes and I honestly cannot think of who you are or possibly could be.
xoxo,
C'aria.

i miss you from me.

I really am glad for the new people in my life and it puts a smile on my face (:
It feels nice when people randomly text me hello and I don't have to text them or if I leave my phone for a few hours, when I check it I have a few messages saying hey or something of that sort. Tomorrow, I have my very first job interview and at first I was getting all nervous about it then I was just like pshhh I'm 16 years old, I'm not going to act as if I'm an adult so I'm just going to be myself because in the end if they actually do hire me that's what I'm going to be every day at the job -- myself. I miss my old blogging style, I went back and read what I use to type about it and they were true rambles: the whole purpose of my blog. I don't know what's wrong with my gum(s) ? Either way it freaking HURTS. I'm hungry, atm.. I don't know what I'm going to eat though because I cannot cook... Lol, the girl on my favorite show likes to watch static instead of cartoons that would really creep me out. I seriously hate whenever a new Twilight movie comes out in theatre because that's all I see on FB and that's all I hear about.. I DO NOT like it so don't talk to me about it, k? I was actually debating on going to see it tonight though only because of boredom #fail gosh my life is so boring that I would actually go see a movie I despise the thought of... I'm ready to finish my cake batter ice cream, I have to hide it in the freezer and eat it whenever everyone goes to sleep :P I think tonight I'm going to finish it off sooo tomorrow I'll be making a trip to the grocery store. I realized that I like dressing "different" I don't know how to explain it. I like to be comfy and I hate dressing up. Today, I was going to wear shorts, comfy tee, pull over, & boots and when I looked at myself in the mirror I was like I really like the way I look but of course my mom had to say I looked country - 2nd time saying that in a week. But I've missed almost 30 minutes of my show so I'm going to stop now.. I like rambling though so I'm going to start again and I just came to the conclusion that I don't care if other people comment it or if I have any acknowledgement of people reading it like someone once said it's like "my online diary".. sweet dreams little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day twelve.

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Dear unknown,
I've forgiven everyone to the best of my ability that has caused me pain or that I use to think I hate.. So, there is no point in writing this letter and bringing up old emotions. Yeah -- there are a lot of people that I still do not like but my reasons are stupid and there's no point in even getting into that. In a few years I will have completely forgotten about them and even if they caused me pain or they may have done shit to me to jeopardize my happiness, it's cool 'cause I hope in the end that gave them some sort of fulfillment because Karma is coming to get them..
xoxo,
C'aria.

Twitter.

So, I hate Twitter well no I more of hate the people I'm following. I did something really stupid last night which I would have never done so I hope things aren't awkward between us after that.. UGH. I want to go back to the post a day thing but I really don't have much to say.. Besides the letters. I wish I was about to be a senior and not a junior -- that'll be great. I'm SO ready to be in college.. I was on FB and I was reading where someone blamed Obama for the whole oil spill situation and how he should've been doing something about instead of waiting so long.. The only thing I can say to that is: IT'S BP'S FAULT. So, I really wish that people would stop making racist remarks.. Racist people are ignorant people. Just because Obama is black doesn't mean he wants everything to be black - get real. I am getting a headache though so I'm going to end this little readers and go do my summer work.
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day eleven.

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Grandpa,
This time last year, you were bugging the crap out of me and wouldn't leave me alone.. You didn't even seem sick. I knew you were though, I mean everyone knew.. But it was just that you were sick -- not that you were going to die. I took our time together for granted, I didn't know that you wouldn't see me turn 16, graduate high school, go off to college, etc.. Death was just one of those things I never could grasp and I still can't.. I still do not fully understand the fact that you're "gone".. I have your ashes in my bedroom so I know that physically you couldn't still be alive but I still think you're watching over me and that if I do something wrong, you'll chew me out like you always would. I hated the fact that you weren't okay with my religious views and you always told me I was going to Hell and that I needed to put my birth certificate in a bible. But now that you're gone, I wish you were still here to say stuff like that to me.. You should know though that grandma considers you her husband now, eh isn't that funny? I know if you were here, you'll be laughing your butt off about that and then me and you would talk about her. She has your car, she is even talking about getting your name tattooed on her... She told me that everyone in our family is selfish because they won't help her with the car and the problems that come with it -- But remember when you promised me that car for my 16th birthday? She took that from me. Our family isn't the same, my mom is always yelling about something but then again she starts crying randomly if someone starts talking about you. So, you're definitely missed.. It hasn't even been a year since you've passed but it feels like it's been so much longer, I miss you so much it's crazy.. You were like my dad and now I'm missing apart of myself. Even if to everyone else you were just my grandpa so I shouldn't be that upset about you passing, it felt like I was crying with my mom and uncle grieving the lost of our dad -- That's just HOW much you meant to me. I still love you Paw Paw, Grandpa, Ice Man...
"Something tells me you're still here with me...."

RIP,
C'aria.

Day ten.

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear: CN&SS,
I miss talking to both of y'all and I wish things would be different between us.. At one point of time, I was best friends with both of you and now I don't talk to either of you guys. What happened? I miss our conversations, I miss our friendship.. Maybe things will change.. Who knows?
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day nine*

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Daniel Jacob Radcliffe,
Even though I've had a new obsession for Justin Bieber, you've always been someone that I've wanted to meet since -- FOREVER. Your acting skills are incredible and the fact that you're sexy is a definite plus. I cannot wait to see your face again even though I hate that the movie is broken into two parts.. :/ You are someone that if I could- I would marry, that's just how much I love you. That's all I have to say now..
xoxo,
C'aria.

PC4PC?

lmao, while uploading pictures on FB I thought of PC4PC which is a Myspace thing and it really made me l-o-l. Myspace was so.. idk how to explain it. Everyone wanted picture comments, messages, comments on their page, comments to their bulletins, tags in pictures -- it was a lot to keep up with. Facebook is simple, kinda, all I really want is likes or comments on my status(s) but I won't go begging for them by posting statuses fifty million times. I don't see how people still keep up with Myspace, I got on mine a few weeks ago and it's just ANNOYING. I realized today that I am semi-pretty like I can really turn heads but it's just taken me a long time to finally accept that 'cause I know people are always telling me that I'm pretty. Self esteem issues are nothing to play with. I'm ready for tomorrow -- dinner celebration with mom and best friend (I think it's safe to say that) for our ACT scores! Ugh, I have been annoying on Twitter because I really want Justin Bieber to RT or follow me ! I think I'd die if he actually did though but still it'd be awesome. So, if you follow me on Twitter, I do apologize but I'm not stopping anytime soon... I may even turn into those girls that are all, "So what are the chances that @justinbieber would tweet me back?" 'cause I know some girl did that today & he actually tweeted her ! And after I do if I do accomplish a RT or follow I'm moving on to Lady Gaga which may be harder -- haha I'm going to be doing this for years. I think blogging is kind of boring now though because I'm posting my thoughts up here but I get no comments, no acknowlegments that they are being read or that anyone actually cares; I could stick to Tumblr for that. I guess I just have to find more people with blogs and find more people to follow me.. Find people for me little readers? I'd love you forever..
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day eight.

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Dear NH-- favorite internet friend,
I'm not sure if I'm suppose to say your name or not so I'll just stick to the initials.. We met on this website where we dressed up dolls and we became like bff then we both created gmails and we use to send each other fairy-tale stories.. I remember when I first created a Myspace it was because of you, I think, and I never thought it'll blow up like it did but I've shared SOO many secrets with you and we use to be able to talk for EVERRRR. I wish things never changed between us and that we still AIM'd each other all the time and randomly texted each other -- I can still remember that day you called me, that was different but great. But now we're suppose to be pen pals, maybe that'll improve our friendship. I still hope one day we'll meet in person ! You are absolutely the best online friend I could possibly ask for even if we don't talk anymore, you have this special little spot reserved in my heart and I know I can always count on you to listen whenever something is wrong with me. I love you darling and I miss you so much!
xoxo,
C'aria.

EEEK.

So, I had a pretty great day and I did a happy dance like FIVE times -- that's a record. I got a call from Justice *place in Edgewater, sells little girls' clothes* and I have an interview next week, EEEK. I went and shopped at the Thrift Store and got a CUTE purse, 3 cute pull-over things (2 from Old Navy, 1 from NY&C) and 2 pair of jeans (aero but oh well) and it was all $7.00 - don't ask how. Then, I checked the mail and I made a 27 on the ACT, which is like 14 points higher than I told my mom I was going to make. I'm pretty happy with my score, I texted my dada and he was extremely proud.. that really made me smile. Ah, I'm soooo happppy right now little readers. EEEEK.
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day seven*

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Dear ex-boyfriend,
It's still weird whenever I see you and it's been forever&a day since we've dated. Our families still want us to be together even though it would be impossible for us to work... and sadly, I'm the only one that realizes that -- you still think it would. I don't understand why you get mad whenever I tell you that I still have a boyfriend and that me and you aren't going to get back together, it just isn't going to work. POINT BLANK. I do hope that one day things aren't so awkward between us and that we will be able to hang out as just two friends...
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day six.

Day 6 — A stranger

Dear stranger,
So.. I guess I should start off with my name, C'ariaAushla'Juan but I prefer to be called C'aria. From an outside perspective I guess you can say I'm pretty (at least that's what all my friends say) and that I'm nice for the most part. I am 16 years young but I have been through a shitload of a lot that I cannot even begin to talk about. I have a tendency to curse a lot, which I guess is a bad habit but I just cannot stop. I plan to attend Ole Miss in which I will be majoring in psychology and chemistry -- at least I plan on doing that. I have a love for Volkswagons and I hope that I do get one, soon. I love piercings & tattoos and when I turn 18 I plan on getting my: tongue, nose, hips, 2nd holes, & possibly eyebrow pierced. It may sound like a lot but I don't plan on keeping the eyebrow piercing or the nose. I also want to get two or three more tattoos. I make straight A's and I have no talent, whatsoever, so I stick to the books. I tend to be judged by a lot of people for reasons that I'm not sure of and I don't really have that many friends. I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for a year and four months and five girls that I call my best friend. That's really all I have to say about myself..
xoxo,
C'aria.

*that was different, didn't really know how to go about writing this one.

job hunting.

I fail. I think I give up, seriously. There is no hope for me. Oh, I tried wearing my skinny jeans that use to fit me oh so well.. but now I can't wear them buttoned up or else it pinches my fat -.- I need to hit the gym, soon. I need to do my summer work but I don't think I'm going to get anywhere.. The boyfriend is suppose to be coming over soon, don't really know when though.. Today makes a year & four months so I'm pretty happy about that. I'm currently watching BET and I think it's quite hilarious how songs that are so meaningless and stupid, are songs that everyone loves. I just really can't get into that unless it's super catchy and it just gets stuck in my head. Like Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus it's playing over and over in my head.. with little interruptions from, Miss Virgina by Train.. Blah. I want to enjoy the rest of my summer and I need plans little readers..
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day five.

Day 5 — Your dreams

Dear dreams,
I hope that you come true, more than anything. I want to succeed in life. I don't want to have to stick to minimum wage and live paycheck to paycheck. When my daughter turns 16, I want to be able to buy (or at least try to buy) her the car of dreams and throw her a big party. When my son gets to that age where he has to have really nice shoes and clothes and $$ for his girlfriend, I want to be able to provide that. I want to be able to buy five volkswagons and live in a nice 2 story house with a loft. I want to be able to decorate my house like they do on TV and put my mom in a really nice house. So, dreams -- don't let me down.
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day four*

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Dear sibling(s),
It has been 13 years since our father passed away and yet I barely know any of you. If someone asked me, I couldn't even tell them your names or even how old you are. I know I am the oldest and that we all live on the Gulf Coast except for one... And I think you live in Texas. My mom thinks that I should get to know all of you, which I think would be great before I graduate high school. I just have a fear of hanging out with one of you, I heard you needed my DNA? Creepy. But that is all I really have to say..
xoxo,
C'aria.

Can't you just get over it?

I only know of a few people that I've actually trusted with my life and I guess that means I'm not the one to trust, easily but the truth is: Whenever I do give someone my trust, they mess it up not only for themselves but for the next person, too. I don't even know why I just typed that.. I guess I feel betrayed. I am listening to music and it is really helping me blog, the way I use to.. Not just random things but things that actually need to get out. Things I need to vent. I hate people who drink. Especially teenagers. It is not cute. It makes the most intelligent girl look sleazy and easy. It makes you look dumb, especially when you post pictures of it all over Facebook. Do you find that attractive? Is it 'cool' to get so drunk that you cannot even remember what happened the day before? Oh, but wait you joke around about that. It's funny to you. If I offend someone by what I post then I'm sorry, well not really because this is my place to vent. I started job searching, again.. But I really do think I'm going to give up.. There is no point. I really don't have anything else to say, atm.. I have to start getting dressed.
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day three.

Day 3 — Your parents

Dear Parents,
I address this to parents but in actuality I have a parent(mom) and a man that is suppose to be a father figure. Well for starters, after 16 years of you having practice of being a parental figure, you still have a lot of things to learn. You are still someone that still just has the label but there is not much meaning behind that. I mean yeah you buy me things that I am grateful for and you put food in my stomach but you can still put a man or drinking before me. I hate days when you go out and get drunk because I know you're going to end up drinking&driving and it makes me cry myself to sleep, which you probably don't know because on those nights you never come home. But I have two more years and then you'll realize just how much I mean to you. And then there is you, someone that came into my life whenever another one left. You are someone I considered a parent, someone that I love. But I've been replaced and it feels me with immense pain. You have a family of your own now and it's cute I guess. I see all of the family portraits. All of the family gatherings. But I'm not there, I'm never invited. You were suppose to always be in my life, no matter what. You came into my life so why are you not in it now? Am I still getting that car for graduation? Or are you saving that for your own children now? Because now you have children that are blood related to you? Last time I remembered, you did consider me one of yours. The only time I hear from you is when you want to make sure I'm still doing well in school. Are you proud of me? I remember once I texted you randomly telling you that I love you and how much I miss you. I never got a reply. You have no clue how much that hurt me. And when my grandpa got sick, I told you more than once to come visit him because you know how much you meant to him. But you were too busy I guess. I gave you months and then when he got in the hospital and I told you not too much time was left, you still weren't there. But you did send flowers, thank you. Wow.. this was hard to type.

"Forgive sounds good, forget I'm not sure I could.. They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting.."
xoxo,
C'aria.

summer work and boyfriends.

I feel extremely stressed out and I don't know if it is from doing so much summer work or because of the boyfriend. I kind of do not want to actually go into detail about what exactly is going on but I need to let it out, bad. Well lately I've been feeling like a really really really bad girlfriend and it's mainly because of the fact I don't take the time out of my day to go see my boyfriend? At least that's how it seems.. When really I just don't have time or if I do have time I don't have transportation. But this whole us not seeing each other is really causing things between me and him to be --horrible. I hate it. Then summer work is making me want to pull out all of my hair and go crazy. I am soooo behind. I feel like a slacker :/ and I guess I should listen to one of my teachers because I am seriously way to hard on myself. I am close to tears right now because of the fact I feel so bad about being so behind on my work. I am going to pick up the pace, fast. That means I'm going to end this little readers and start on my summer work.
xoxo,
C'aria.

Day two*

Day 2 — Your Crush

Dear Crush,

I've always known in the back of my mind that things would never work between us.. But for some reason I just couldn't get you out of my mind. You made me feel so pretty. You showered me with compliments and you always wanted to see me. You called me cute little names and I really needed that in my life. I had to block you out though because I just always knew that things would never work between us.
xoxo,
C'aria ♥

Day one.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Dear best friend,

I never thought in a million years that we'll be this close and I am honestly happy that you are still in my life. We have been through a lot but I've always known that you'll still be there for me. We've shared a lot of memories together and I'm always going to cherish those close to my heart. Thank you for being in my life, I love you.
xoxo,
C'aria.
p.s. I'm still not sure who this is actually for...

I've slacked off.. again.

So, I guess I've been extremely lazy lately because I haven't had enough energy to get up and get on the computer to actually blog.. But I wanted to blog about the Train concert so I shall do so.. now. Okay so the concert was Friday, June 11th and my mom was all, "I don't want to go C'aria, are you sure you want to go?!" Well I guess she wasn't done venting to me because she vented to two of her customers.. one of which was: Jimmy Stafford (the lead guitarist dude) and she called the band boring and how she was going to hate the concert. He then started to sing to her to see if she knew any of the songs and she didn't so she started talking about the band, again. Well needless to say they only tipped her 8$, lmao. Afterwards she looked at a picture of the band and then realized who she was talking to.. She was pretty embarrassed. Well about the concert: It was amazing even if I didn't know a lot of the songs, I DO NOW -- that's all that matters :) But Pat Monahan (lead vocalist dude) was extrememly cool and he had the whole crowd laughing, numerous times. He called five little girls up to the stage and they were so excited, it was great, he let them sing, dance, get a t-shirt, touch him numerous times, & then he took a picture with one of the girls right before she got off stage. He also proposed to the whole crowd but it was like only the people in the very first row *oh forgot to mention I was in the VERY front like 3 rows back from the stage* and he came down and touched everyone that he was able to reach.. (I almost got to touch him then).. Then he crowd surfed (only the rows close to the stage) and I almost touched him, again. They also started throwing out things like guitar picks and drum sticks and I almost got hit in the head by two drum sticks.. But I just can't catch so the lady right in front of me got one and the lady right behind me got the other.. Well the concert was great, the music was great, just everything! & Oh some man got mad at this lady and pushed her so hard that she ran into like five people, including me, and I had beer wasted all on my pants that dripped into my shoes -ewwww-. But I think I covered everything important. I definitely want to see them in concert again!

I don't want to start a whole new post for this because I'm saving my other post for my letter.. But last night my mom went and got a tattoo, which I absolutely love, it has lyrics from Train "When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me...." and birds, it's located on her chest(?) by her collar bone. And it's for my grandpa so it has meaning.. My uncle is going back and getting the same thing tattooed on him tonight, I wish I had the guts to get all of that tattooed on me then I'll get it, too. But I MAY be getting my infinity sign tonight, yay.. I just don't know where I want it anymore. I thought I still had 2 years to decide that. But I'm done for now little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

i'm going to do this & so should you...

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :
Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

*I'll be starting tomorrow.

:D or D: ?

so.. tomorrow I'm kinda excited for and then again I'm pretty sure I'm going to be disappointed.. 'cause of my stupid family. Hmm what is there to do on Wednesday's? I still haven't ordered my phone, unfortunately.. But my mom said that'll she get it tomorrow.. sigh. I hope so. But even when I order it I'm going to still have to wait for it to come in and I don't even know how long that'll take. Ew. I hope by the end of the week/month/summer.. ONE of the places I applied for calls me, that'll be amazing. I came across a quote today that said, "the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. if you hate someone, you still care," so that means after all I never really hated all of those people *especially that one girl 'cause I never cared about them.. Hmph. That makes me feel better :) I think one day I'm going to do a whole post with just quotes because there is SO many that I want to share with my little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

i wanna scream.

Okay so things just backfired and I don't know what to think of this.. hmph. This sucks. I'm stuck in the same position I was in a few months ago and it's all because of the fact I got greedy, I guess you should say.. And now my phone has ZERO signal or something 'cause I can't text ANYBODY. But I came to a conclusion whenever I do get my new phone, whenever that'll be, I'm not saving any of my old numbers on it. I'ma still have them on my other two phones & on my SIM card but I'm not going to have them where I can just text them or look at them.. And that'll make it where the only numbers I have are the only ones I need.. If that makes sense. I wish I could just tell them what's going on instead I'm going to just keep acting dumb and smiling away, it does me good. I really don't have much to say..
xoxo,
C'aria.

BLB!

Okay, first off: Talk shit that you know. Kthx. But you know how I'm not the biggest fan of rap..? Well my friend is apart of this group, Blacklight Boys, and their lyrics are like amazing 'cause it's not all "sleeping with girls, making money, etc.." so yeah you should check them out: http://www.myspace.com/blacklightboyz but anyways I'm in this sort of stage of where I think I deserve happiness, again.. And I don't feel happy whatsoever. It scares me to be honest 'cause I don't know what this means or why I'm feeling this way. But it reminds me of this quote, "I'm in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is.. Or maybe it's my heart that's doing the insisting?! I can't really tell.. You know that feeling?" So as of now I'm just going to say I'm confused, that'll be the safe way of dealing with these emotions. Last night was actually WAY better than I thought it was going to be and I'm happy for that, thank you.
xoxo,
C'aria.

the baby is home!

Yesterday I was so happy and I kept screaming, "THE BABY IS COMING, THE BABY IS COMING." I know the boyfriend got tired of hearing it, lol. But oh well I was really happy and I still am. He can say my name now "o not CeCee but C'aria! I'm proud of the little boy. He also knows how punch the crap out of you, flip you off, scream at you, etc.. He sings little songs, plays rock paper scissors with you, says bless you when you sneeze, ahhh.. It's just so cute. A lot has changed in 2months. But enough about the baby.. While doing my daily search for quotes I came across this one: "Mr. Right is coming, but his plane crashed in Africa and he's walking." And it made me instantly think about a fellow reader/twitter follower/facebook friend.. mainly because a lot of things they update/blog is about love. And when I read that it made me smile because I could imagine all of these perfect men walking towards all of these girls who just cannot seem to find "Mr. Right"... So, basically: He's coming, it is just going to take some time.. Don't rush him though because if you do, you may end up with the wrong man.. The man intended for someone else and yours is still walking towards you.
xoxo,
C'aria.

reminds me.. of me.

"She's only sixteen years old. She's not perfect, never has been, never will be. She's emotional and she doesn't think about things before she says them. She'll say some things that will make you want to strangle her. She'll probably hurt you and make more mistakes than you can imagine. She doesn't mean to, but she probably will. However, she'll apologize. She's still learning about everything, even if she thinks she already knows it. She's been hurt. Sometimes she feels so alone she can't stand it. Other times she's so happy she can't believe it. She's just trying to figure out this twisted time in her life when everything gets real complicated, real fast. And everything seems to spin out of control before she ever begins to understand what's going
on. But she loves, laughs, and does her best. And that's all you can ever ask of her."
&
"I'm the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen. I'm the girl who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I'm the girl who wouldn't make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I'm the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rahter than going to some fancy restaurant. I'm the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I'm the girl who won't make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead. I'm the girl who will love you more than anyone could possibly dream of. I'm the girl who would give the world the world to see you smile. I'm the girl who cries herself to sleep at night thinking of you, when I know I'm the last thing on your mind. I'm the girl who feels alone, even in a crowded room. Yeah, I'm that girl."

I really do like those quotes, they describe me.. perfectly. Which is something that I've had trouble doing lately.. I don't know myself.. If that makes sense.
xoxo,
C'aria.

English.

*This just popped into my head... I think it's funny when the "smart kids" still do not know the difference between your & you're, to & too, there, they're, & their, were & we're, etc.. Hehe.
xoxo,
C'aria.

quotes.

I have this new obsession, well it's kind of old but I just started doing it again, reading quotes! I LOVE reading them. I can stay on the computer for hours and hours just looking at quotes & listening to music. It really does calm me. Well last night I came to the conclusion that I have NO ONE. I sat in the car for at least an hour crying my eyes out & I didn't have anyone to call, nobody to text to tell my problems to. That's upsetting. And it made me cry more. So, I just kept crying and crying. Until my phone started dying. Then I came inside to finish my argument via text messaging. Then I got a phone call in which I stood outside for 3 hours walking back and forth (woke up in a lot of pain) arguing out our problems.. Then after the argument I realized that again, I have no one. I have a boyfriend. Family. But I'm missing the friends in that equation. But I do have quotes, ka-ching, to comfort me.. That's a plus right? Lol. So, yano how I applied for American Eagle? Well, I called them to check the status of my application. *The mother said that shows that you're actually interested in the job. And the lady told me they'll be calling everyone they want to interview, tomorrow.. And that upset me 'cause now I know when they'll be calling.. So, if I don't get a call tomorrow, I'm probably going to cry- no lie. I also called Pac Sun and the manager said that the hiring manager is starting to look at applications tomorrow so she'll put my name down so that she'll be sure to look@it.. So, hopefully I will have a job, soon. I went to the movies with the family and it was nice. I didn't have to pay anything (food,3D glasses, movie ticket) all I had to do was get dressed and go to the movies. I like that. But we watched Shrek Forever After and it was a really good movie! I just left with a MAJOR headache because I have to put the 3D glasses over my glasses -___- I wish I had enough $$ to pay for my own contacts because the mother says they are TOO expensive, blah. But the next time I get an eye appointment, I'm SUPPOSE to be getting sunglasses.. Costas or Vera Bradley's... Yumm :) Both of them though are like 140 and that's not even including the costs of them having to do that special, "thinning", 'cause of my prescription.. So, I don't know how expensive the sunglasses actually are.. But I'm about to continue looking at quotes. Bye little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

why can't i sleep?!

It's summer time and for some reason I just CANNOT sleep in.. It's either my mom waking me up @ 6 'o clock or me realizing that I can watch Lifetime all day without having to worry about going to school! I've came to the conclusion that lately my life like revolves around my boyfriend. If I'm going out and doing something it's because of him. If I'm having company over, it's because he is coming over. If I am talking on the phone it's because I am talking to him. Maybe he is my one true best friend/lover. Or maybe I just don't have anyone in my life besides him, oh well, it really doesn't bother me. What does bother me is how people come into my life, saying that they'll always be here for me, & next thing I know there is this whole part of their life that I don't even know about.. So yeah thanks for always being there. Lol everyone is talking about The Game marathon and I'm always excited about a Lifetime movie marathon! I'm the total opposite of half of the people in my generation. I hate how I don't know the difference in "I am use to this" and "I am used to this".. I still do not know which one is correct and it really bothers me. I want my report card! I have a feeling I'm not going to get it -.- because of this address change, ew. I wish I could say today was going to be an extremely lazy day for me but I need to go out and buy stuff to start my summer work. I am going to be swamped with work, which I really do hate. I'm so glad I don't have AP Chemistry work, too! I would have died. But I'm running out of stuff to ramble about.. 12 minutes before my movie marathon starts. Hope the weather isn't too bad over where you are little readers!
xoxo,
C'aria.

promise !

So it's really late for me to update this butttt... I got my very first promise ring ! :) and I absolutely LOVE it. I don't know if it was the best time for him to give it to me.. but oh well, there is nothing I can do about it now. Eh, I am extremely jealous even when it comes to people who I am not even dating.. That is a darn shame. I just hate it when people start talking to those certain people who are mine. POINT BLANK. I filled out job applications, yay! I applied for: Rue 21, American Eagle, Pac Sun, the pretzel place, Wet Seal, & Starbucks... And I'm still the one person the lady is going to call if she needs someone at Ben & Jerry's. I hope I have a job soon, seriously. I need the $$ & plus it'll occupy my time.. Because basically my days consist of me sleeping & waiting 'till the boyfriend comes over. So.. I'm renting a car, I think June 12th, and riding down to Pensacola.. Anyone wanna come? If you're reading this then you're invited! I'm going to try to rent a SUV so I'll have room. I just wanna go to the beach BUT not Biloxi/Ocean Springs/Pascagoula. So, hopefully everything works out.. The fair is coming soon ! Like two weeks soon, eeek. I think a big group of me & my friends are gonna go, if you're reading this: you're invited, too. I think I'm going to start blogging again because I really have missed it. Yummy, I have an oreo mcflurry ♥ Jordan wrote me a letter ! I was so excited, lol, it felt nice that he actually remembered to write me even if it did take him awhile..I miss him so much. Like I'll go to text him when I'm upset or when me and the boyfriend are arguing and then I remember that I can't.. It's quite upsetting. But I have a summer's resolution: Make new friends.... Wanna be my friend?
xoxo,
C'aria.

Pointless.

I said I'll be back blogging.. but I see no point in it.. I didn't get my scholariship. At least I'll have a job for 2 weeks... Hmph. Going to graduation tomorrow & I don't even know why...
xoxo,
C'aria.

i don't know why it's so hard to blog..

so I think I'm going to stop with all of the lyrics & crap 'cause that requires too much thinking, lol.. I sound lazy but things have definitely changed in my life.. I don't know what to do, I want my old life back, real talk. I just wanted to post a little update telling everyone, I'M BACK ! I'll be updating more tomorrow, the boyfriend is over. Sleep well little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

i'm so obsessed...

"the way you move ain't fair you know, hey soul sister, i don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight.. hey hey hey, just in time, i'm so glad you have a one track mind like me.. you gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny.. i'm so obsessed my heart is bound to beat right out of my untrimmed chest.. i believe in you, like a virgin, you're madonna and i'm always gonna wanna blow your mind..." The song may be old, yo. But I still love it and everytime I hear it on the radio I just have to crank up the volume! I'm listening to this dude's playlist and it has the most amazing pop/rap songs on it from the past month.. I am really digging this. I don't know what happened to my old life. Like what the freak? Where did you go? I don't even know. Lol, I can't even stand to hear your name.. It's like I instantly fill with anger. Which is frankly my dear, sad. I was suppose to be going to the doctor today but instead I am on the computer, lol... I missed school for nothing. I definitely did something that I regret more than anything, ew. I fucked up. Hopefully it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass.. But I have a feeling it is.... This was a pointless update but I just felt like doing something, I'm bored! I guess I'll go listen to music & update my playlist.. I love you little readers, ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

thinking.

"i'm lucky to be in love with my best friend, i'm lucky to have been where i have been, i'm lucky to be coming home again..." So yeah. I have had my ups & definitely my downs, lately. I seriously thought it was over between me & the boyfriend, like there was no way in saving our relationship but after last night I am starting to think differently. I just needed to get some things out and he needed to just listen. Even if that means I was yelling and hitting and beyond upset, it was exactly what our relationship needed... I kept things bottled up way too long. So, now things are getting better... not to the point where if someone asked, "how are you & your boyfriend?" i could honestly reply, "good or great!" but it's getting to that point.. I am coming down with something, I swear. Yesterday, I convinced myself I had a migraine but today I feel the same way I did yesterday just 10x worse. I took medicine and I hope that helps, one of my friends said the thing I really need is sex, lmao. I'm trying to be optimistic about things in my life. Ie: Because of the fact you walked out of my life and you're no longer there for me, I now have room in my life for people who would never do that to me ; because of the fact you like to gamble, I got a new purse ; because of the fact we're not friends anymore, i don't have to keep lying to you, convincing you that you are pretty. So, yeah that's my new way of thinking about things.. The boyfriend is gone.. but they get out not this Tuesday but the following Tuesday, (I think) EEK. I'm excited for what this summer has to bring.. Maybe new friends. I know a loss of a lot of my current ones. Maybe I'll get a job. Or a car. Maybe something will happen and I'll have to move. Idk. I'm excited though. I'm ready for change. C'ariaAushla'Juan is a unique name, I should never be limited to the same ole every single day. I have this new rule in my life now, though, once you leave don't expect to come back into my life. Real talk. I'm tired of shitty ass people trying me anyway they want to. So, if someone decides to stop talking to me. Stop hanging out with me. Then that's cool with me. Just don't come back whenever you start missing me. My medicine is kicking in.... ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

i want to scream and shout.

"you are so beautiful.. you're the kind of girl that has the chemicals to make me fall in love..." I love love love compliments and I never knew how much they meant to me.. 'till I stopped receiving them. Then other people started showering me with so many different compliments, I really didn't know how to react... *sigh. I have been pretty happy for the past.... day. Even though I made a freaking 80 on my chemistry test which made my grade go down, AGAIN, so now I have a 96 (BOOOO!) buttt on the other hand things are resolved between me & the boyfriend, thank bob. The only thing that really made me stay is that one moment where I actually lost him and I was in instant tears.. I knew right then that I couldn't be without him. Is it bad in your opinion if you call someone boo or bay and you are in a relationship?? But I am really excited that I may be going to San Francisco this summer ! I don't know if I blogged this or not but yeah, eeeek ! I think the boyfriend is on his way over here, so I need to sign out of this.. ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

confession.

"these are my confessions.. just when i thought i could say all i could say my chick on the side said she got one on the way.. " I miss us. I miss us when we were happy. I miss us when we were inseparable. I miss being able to talk to you about anything. I miss not having to sneak around. I miss when something was wrong, I could call on you, knowing you'll listen. I miss when I could think of your name without filling with anger. I miss knowing you'll be in my life for forever, without any doubt in my mind. I miss you talking to me about everything that was bothering you. I miss you calling me your best friend. I miss being able to fit in. I miss us being close. BUT now I have: a friendship that isn't going to last, someone who showers me with compliments, someone who calls me their best friend and they don't even talk to me unless they have no one else, a relationship that is rocky but we're still trying to get through it, a fistful of tears, & constant unhappiness.

SEN10RITIS.

Peer Pressure.

Commercials Commercials !

Internet Safety Commercial :

i've missed you, dearly...

"although i've been missing you.. i'll find a way to get through..." So it's been awhile since I've blogged and I really do apologize.. I'm sure I've lost ALL the readers I had before but oh well maybe I'll gain some new ones? :) But I'm going to try to get on more often.. I promise. Oh gosh this past month has been HECTIC: from going to Ole Miss to meeting new friends to losing ones that I never thought I would lose.. But life goes on so I'ma keep moving. I'm so excited for this summer and next summer ! I wish I could just skip my junior year but then again I don't 'cause I am kind of ahh about next year : ) Me and the boyfriend are GREAT and I couldn't be happier.. I came to the conclusion yesterday that I'ma just do me and not worry about what he is doing.. I mean as long as he doesn't kiss or sleep with another girl then I'm cool. I'm tired of trying to tie him down so I'm going to let him be free.. Let him do him. I have another new friend :P and they are great, honestly. I needed someone like this in my life. On the 23rd, the boyfriend called and was all "since you were sleep yesterday I didn't get to tell you but happy one year, two months." & it made me so happy, I do not know if you remember but I made a huge deal about him not saying anything to me on our anniversary. I'm not even suppose to be on the computer right now but I'm in the office of my teacher's room, just "chilling" all alone. It feels great. I don't have to worry about anyone anymore. I don't have to be surrounded by fake ass people. And I love it. I now know none of my business will be spread or that if I tell someone something in complete confidence, they'll go tell their friends. So yeah it just feels great right about now.. I still don't have a job. WTF?! But ma mere said if she sees the boss lady, she'll talk to her.. So, hopefully I have a job before the summer 'cause I need $$ ; real talk. There really isn't much for me to tell you anymore.. This thing use to be like my diary because I had so much to rant and ramble about but now I'm happy with my life even if I have my sad moments, I do not feel as if there is much for me to talk about... So I hope all my little readers are having a good time at school, I'm going to try to post a few commercials up here...♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

stupidity makes me laugh.

"HATE IS A STRONG WORD BUT I REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU.." * I'm not even sure if I've used those lyrics before but I'm pissed off at the moment and I'll let you read why:

person: Your really fucked up just thought I'd let you know that. Don't ever fucking put your hands on me again.
me: First off: come at me differently 'cause I already apologized to your ass & me fucked up? Oh no sweetie. The fucked up thing is only you. I said I was sorry. More than once. And you still have the nerve to waste your time texting my phone with bull shit. So you're fucked up, just thought i'd let you know.
person: Ha okay. Like I said don't fucking touch me again. Is that clear? Your lucky I didn't hall back and hit you because I was that Pissed off. Stupid stupid bitch. Your pathetic. Telling me not too talk too you. HA! Fuck you.
Maybe if I could of "talked too you" in class I wouldn't be texting your phone, now would i?
And I'll get smart with you or talk too you how I want too. Don't like it don't read it. Can't always get what you want.
me: Stupid stupid bitch? Learn the definition of stupid before you try to call me that 'cause I know I'm sure as hell not fucking stupid. And ha fuck me? That's fine. One less fake ass person in my life, that suits me well. And why are you even wasting your time? It amuses me how people feed on drama 'cause you're steady sending text messags as if you're getting anywhere. I'm sorry. I'm 16 years old. I've learnt to grow up. I said sorry. I did the mature thing to do. & haha actually these messages are amusing me just to let you know. Stupidity makes me laugh.
person: Learnt? Learned? Like I said. Stupid Bitch. Not only stupid but fake as well. Im only fake too people I dislike. Like you. Yeah your so grown up going around pinching people like a man two year then can't even listen too what I have too say. So before you jump on me. Check yourself. Don't text back. Your not worth my time. I have "learnt" too ignore silly useless Bitches like you.
me: Bitch my phone automatically changes shit when I type it so don't even try to correct what i say 'cause I know how to fucking spell maybe you have forgotten but I am not you *** and haha don't tell me what to do you texted my phone first with this bull shit & not worth your time?! Then why the FUCK did you text me if I was not worth your time? Why did you take the time out of YOUR day to text me? Haha now answer me that. & oh please tell me how I am fake 'cause I really want to know. And the thing is you must be fake 'cause before today you acted as if you were friends with me but now all of a sudden you didn't like? Lol, smh. & oh silly useless bitches like me? Ha, I can't wait to read the other insults your stupid ass comes up with.
person: Well since your so smart. Follow what I said and don't text of back;)
me: And don't of back? Lol, alright still wasting YOUR time texting me. Take your own advice sweetheart.
person: I corrected myself. But thank you sweetheart
Too tell you the truth I never really liked you. In fact, the only reason why I acted like I liked you was because I felt sorry for you. Your life was and still is pathetic and I felt like I needed too brighten it up (:
me: Ha, really? Kay that's cool. I hope that helps you sleep at night.
person: It does (:
me: that's good :) I'm glad it does. Just remember karma is a bitch and one day it's going to bite you in the ass.
person: Just like it did you.
me: Oh no it hasn't bit me in my ass 'cause I am not fake like you darling but stop texting my phone, kay? Your ignorance is starting to piss me off.
person: Ha im just sharing the love. Your fake im fake we are all fake in the eyes of cecee. Go add this too your collection of pointless blogs *ARE MY BLOGS POINTLESS?!
me: I gladly will & go read about it maybe your ass will see how stupid all of this shit is. And learn the difference between your and you're and to and too since you want to correct the shit I say. But I don't have time for you. I actually have shit to do and people to talk to. So good bye darling & I thought you were taking your own advice? I guess you're too stupid to even do that.
person: Ha yep I sure am. Bye Bitch.

* And yes, I did let them get the last word but only because really? Where was that going? No where. It took a lot of backspacing to correct myself from correcting her stupid ass. Especially for the your, I kept typing you're. But seriously, am I in the wrong? I'll tell you what happened though: I pinched in her class just joking around and then I said sorry to her when she told me it hurt. Then she started crying. So, I said sorry AGAIN about it. But then she started talking about don't put your hands on me blah blah blah. And I was already pissed off from the class before. So I was all, "You better stop talking to me right now *** 'cause I'm already pissed off" ; which saved her from a lot of words being yelled at her and me getting written up. I don't have time for this childish shit though. UGH!

ohmyGAWD.

"i want your loving and i want your revenge, me and you could write a bad romance.. woah woah woah..." so I kind of like neglected my blog and I feel bad because I had the time and I had things to blog about but I just didn't feel like blogging. I need to wash my hair BAD it's been less than a week like 4 days since I've washed it but still my dandruff is taking over. But I'm soo lazy that I want to wash it 'till tomorrow after school so my hair is going to look rough all day at school :) It's not like I care though because my hair looked rough today and T-bear saw me and it didn't seem like he minded. Oh gosh I had the most amazing thing happen to me recently and it was just ohmyGAWD but it's one of those things that only certain people would enjoy. It was like getting your favorite ice cream and it being amazingly good then half way through it, it's just like THAT much better then once you start getting to the bottom, you don't want it to end but you know that you can't take anymore of your amazing ice cream so you hurry up and finish eating it then you're just like okay that was great and you want more at a later time. You'll just have to know what I was talking about to fully understand. [get your mind out of the gutter, though] But T-BEAR FREAKING HIT MY EAR TODAY. Like head-butted my ear. It was horrible. I jumped up and ran around screaming and holding my ear and everyone was really worried about me because they didn't know what had happened so they were all, "C'aria, what's wrong?!!" and all I could do was jump around. I was forcing back tears, it was horrible. My face is breaking out beyond bad and I hate it ): I wish I was one of the people who never got acne, I would be happy. I don't even know what to really write about in here.. I know I was trying to be really nice by posting something where everyone could see and then it was like it wasn't even appreciated. I mean damn. Once this summer comes there is no guaranteeing who I'll be friends with or what'll I'll be doing let alone next year. So, yeah, as far as I know, that was the last time I am seeing you in a long ass time. But then again you probably don't even care. Oh well. I hate it when my friends start getting closer to people I introduce them to. It pisses me off. Then when they aren't friends with the person I introduced them to in the first place they come crawling back to me because they know no matter what I'll be there. I hate that about myself. I am so far sticking to my not talking to people who really don't care about me thing. I only text/call/talk to four people now. And I'm content with that. I don't have to worry about my phone blowing up from people who just don't give a shit about me or my feelings. I hate that school is tomorrow and that I'm going to have to see fake ass friends again. As you can probably tell, I'm not in a good mood. Good night little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.

is it too late to make a new year's resolution?

"Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere 'cause i'll doze off safe and soundly but i'll miss your arms around me... the silence isn't so bad 'till i look at my hands and feel sad 'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly. i'll sit on the front porch all night waist-deep in thought because when i think of you i don't feel so alone. and i'll forget the world that i knew but i swear i won't forget you. oh, if my voice could reach back through the past.. i'd whisper in your ear: oh darling i wish you were..." I want to be a psychiatrist but I think I may need one myself 'cause something is seriously wrong with me. I cannot stop crying. But I have a reason to. A really good reason to be crying but still damn I've been crying like non-stop. I sometimes wish I would have made a new year's resolution maybe I'll make like a mid-year's resolution because I know I definitely need one. The brakes in my mom's truck are like not even there anymore, it's pretty dangerous driving her truck atm so that means... I cannot go anywhere. Just great. I hope T-bear doesn't get too sleepy and fall asleep anytime soon even though I know he has to wake up soon.. I honestly do not see why he stays with me, I put him through SOO much hell but I cannot help it. A lot of things bother me. I love the show Cold Case that comes on TNT at this time of night too bad they cannot play it after school so I can watch it more often. Once the summer time comes though I'ma be hitting up Cold Case errynight ;) I feel as if I was a replacement until the real thing came back.. : And that really upsets me but I hope you had fun while it lasted. Oh gosh, I cannot believe that tomorrow is freaking FRIDAY. Where did my spring break go?!!! Lol, and oh all of the people that I did not talk to or did not get a text message from you first I'm glad you didn't because I've eliminated you out of my life :) kthxbye. -I've started saying that again, like I fbooked I'm progressively regressing back into my old self. My baby, the actual baby, is in the other room and I think I may go lay down with him. He will not mind my tears. He knows T-bear's name now XD and he gave him a hug and shared his food with him. I loved it. Oh the baby also learned a WHOLE lotta new words, he definitely broadened his vocabulary since last month. I was like woah?! Did you really just say that? And it was adorable cause he kept saying everything he saw and said "puhlow" and pointed to the pillow it was so cute :) He also does the little "I"m mad so I'm going to cross my arms and say no.." ahhh I love him. Hehe, yes if you cannot tell, the little guy amazes me. I wonder how I'm going to be with my own kids.. But little readers I need to talk to my T-bear now, we have some problems to work out ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

i'm crazy.

"please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleed........ tears fall down my face, the taste is something new..." I skipped a little part of the song and changed the lyrics from tears fall down your face to my face because this song describes how I feel, atm. Maybe I'm just crazy and I overreact to everything. Either way I'm still upset. I don't see how someone can jokingly talk about not loving someone or that they are going to leave them. I mean it's cool when you're not serious with the person but it comes a point where you just don't say shit like that. It's not cool. And then I feel like a big ass dummy 'cause I'm in tears and my ear is on fucking fire and I can't stop crying but then again I'm in so much pain. But I'm going to stick by new motto: "If it doesn't bother you, then I'm going to let it bother me." I'm tired of wasting my tears over people who just don't give a fuck. And I'm tired of constantly worrying about people who don't even care. And I'm tired of wondering why are they not talking to me?! When they are texting everybody else. So, I'm just TIRED. Point-blank. I'm tired and I'm done. Fuck it. Fuck everyone. Fuck not caring. Fuck you playing around and saying shit that upset me to the point where I cried for at least an hour. Fuck you not even thinking twice about what you were saying. Fuck you for not wanting to talk to me. Just fuck you and all of your bull shit. Fuck you tears that are coming back. Just FUCKKKK! I'm not sure if I'm even going to publish this. But I needed to let this out. I'm tired of just fucking care too bobdamn much to the point where I can't even say anything. I CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. and yours. and yours, too. EVERYONE. I CARE ABOUT EVERYONE. Even people I can't even stand. EVEN THOSE THAT I WISH WOULD FUCKING ROLL OVER AND DIE. I still care about you. I may talk about you. I may call you ugly. I may give you crude nicknames. But you know what? I STILL CARE. That's my problem. I NEED TO STOP CARING. But I can't stop. That's my downfall, that's why everyone claims they love me. Oh but when it comes down to it.. who really loves me? Not many. Not many at all. And oh yeah I'm tired of fake ass friends. Get out of my life before I have to tell you to. UGH. I wish this blog was read by EVERYFUCKINGBODY. Then maybe everyone would get the memo. Oh gosh I'm really upset...... I need to stop now... Good night. Good bye. Little readers like I said... I'm crazy. ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

i feel like i've abandoned you.

"stop calling, stop calling, i don't want to think anymore, i left my head and my heart on the dance floor..." soooo I never knew going to an aquarium could turn out to be SOO fun. I really did have a blast :) and I was like oh gosh it's not really going to be that fun because it's a freaking aquarium but I turned into a little kid and had a really fun time. But after that I seriously felt like we drove around NOLA 50 million times (exaggeration, of course) but still it was like wtfreak are we doing?! I'm hungry. Then finally we went to Slidell and ate :) then my mommy took me to get my freaking INDUSTRIAL done ! Thank you mommy :D and the dude that was there was so amazingly cool. He talked me through it the whole entire time and for that I love him. If I ever want another piercing, I want to go back there in hope that he'll still be working. I got into it (somewhat) with T-bear over the piercing because he doesn't like the fact that I get them... but I see no harm in an ear piercing. I can understand if I got my tongue or my nose or something like that but it's a freaking ear piercing, that's it. I say freaking a lot and also sooooo.... I need to stop. Oh my gosh ! My ear is like on FIRE right now. And it's all my fault, I had to bump it while trying to take my shirt off. I'm so excited for Saturday. Like you have no freaking clue. I'm stealing my best friend for the day, if she doesn't have plans, and then we're hanging out with the "crew" later on that night 'till Sunday morning. YAY! How's everyone? I miss you all. Lol, I'm not even friends with half of my 7 readers. But oh well I still miss you :) My tattoo looks really funny, atm, maybe it's because of how huge my stomach looks :/ I need to hit the gym or something because this is definitely not cute. I was thinking about it and the real purpose for me rambling has turned into more of me just saying random crap. I don't really like my blogs anymore, blah. Maybe if I go back and read how I use to blog, I'll start blogging how I want to, again. I'm getting really sleepy but I'm dreading trying to fall asleep 'cause I'm scared I'm going to somehow end up sleeping on my right ear and waking up in a lot of freaking pain. Yesterday, I went to a friend's birthday dinner thing at BWW and it was really... awkward. That's the only way I really know how to describe it. I was waiting for moustache man to pop up somewhere and for me to just walk outttt and go home. But thankfully he never did show up. It's so funny when you know things about people and it's just like damn, are you really do this right now? But I don't want to start talking about people, 'cause that's just not right little kiddies. T-bear is calling, goodbye little readers ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

oh the joy of going to pensacola.

"i recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone.. i recommend walking around naked in your living room. swallow it down, what a jagged little pill, it feels so good.. swimming in your stomach. wait until the dust settles... you live, you learn. you love, you learn. you cry, you learn. you lose, you learn. you bleed, you learn. you scream, you learn...." so I went to Pensacola today with the family and yes, I know that's not that far but I had a pretty good time. Once we finally got there, my little cousin just went off and played in the water and me and my mom laid out on the beach. Then, we took pictures that I would not dare actually post to any social networking site but it was still fun. I also got a snow cone or as they call it "shaved ice" ; it was a freaking waste of $2.50, seriously. But once we left we just cruised around, sight seeing, ah I love the houses ! I want one. I also got Subway, YUMM, and a nice little dessert of yogurt :) and chocolate chip cookie dough from baskin robins. But I didn't get to talk to a certain someone until about 7:00 which is freaking gay. But oh well then once I DID get to talk to them, I really didn't even have a conversation with 'em. It was more of my battery getting wasted just holding the phone while they talked to someone else and put me on speaker phone. But who am I to complain? At least they took out the time to call me in the first place. Right now my mom is watching Precious. I really do love this movie, it's a great movie even though it's sooo sad. I am really kind of excited for this weekend and then the next :P So basically I'm just excited for the future, lol. Ah, tomorrow I'm hanging out with my love :) lol that makes me sound really gay. But I'm not. I promise. She's just a friend of mine. She came up with the name, "Best Friend Double Couple" - at least I think that's the name. It's because me & her are best friends and our boyfriends are best friends, too. Isn't that great ? I think so. But Thursday I have no plans at all, someone should definitely rescue me so I won't be completely bored. I am aiming not to have one boring day of SB'10 so help me out ? But I hit my little cousin's on the back extremely hard my hand was even stinging... I feel kinda bad but then again he deserved it. EEEEEK. My mom said I can get my industrial done. KA-CHING. I'm so happy. I could scream. Lol, even though I just did in my head. But I'm just not waiting for her to actually take me, maybe I'll go Thursday.. The day I have nothing to do. I'm getting really sleepy and I'm getting kind of upset. So, instead of me rambling about what's bothering me I'm going to close this ramble. Good night little readers ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

liar liar pants on fire.

"i'm not ready to make nice, i'm not ready to back down. i'm still mad as hell and i don't have time to go round and round and round. it's too late to make it right, i probably wouldn't if i could..." so I had this whole nice little ramble thought up in my head but I really don't know what to type now... I'll start off with Friday night since I haven't blogged in TWO day, ahh I'm sorry... But Friday after school: went to deshia's, left w/ her and her dad and went around Gautier and Goula collecting her monies (lol, that's what she called it), came back to her house, got dressed, went to tony's, left then went to get Chinese, ate, went to walgreen's, and went back to tony's. ONE THING YOU SHOULD NEVER DO: overreact about something you really don't know about. Trust me, it does you no good. Find out everything you can before you act. And even if things seem fishy and doesn't seem right, believe in them. Trust them. But Friday was a good night :) Then, Saturday I didn't wake up 'till 12 and didn't get out of bed 'till 5. Tony then came over and hung out with meee :P He didn't go home 'till 3 in the morning. I love him. I really do. Saturday night was just AMAZING ♥ I've already blogged about how I let all my walls down and all of that good stuff but I started to put my guard back up.. Mainly out of frustration from not talking to him. But Saturday all of those walls started tumbling back down and I just feel soooo close to him. Back to my ramble : After he left, I laid down, then ate, then took a shower, then went to sleep. Eh, I was sooo tired this morning. But today I went over to Tony's, lol what a surprise. But I had to see my boo off..I ended up staying for 5 hours when it was only suppose to be like 1 but oh well.. I lose track of time.. :) I hate that he had to leave though ): I wish there was a way I could just keep him here with me, all the time. I'd probably get tired of him though but I don't think so.. I never get tired of seeing him. I miss my best friend. I'm so use to talking to her every day, it's crazy that I can't. I don't even want to imagine how I'm going to be two years from now. I'm going to be completely lost. Oh on Facebook I got me a new little friend :) Well they aren't really little but that's what they're going to be for my blogging purposes. Well my new little friend is awesome. And we have a lot in common. I miss having someone to talk to who ACTUALLY has something in common with me. It felt great. And they understand me. And I understand them. It was just really nice talking to them. Maybe a real friendship will develop out of this...? I don't know. I made another formspring today so formspring me, http://www.formspring.me/IXXXXV, thanks. I am beyond sleepy but I'm trying to make up for not blogging Friday & Saturday. One thing I really do hate is when someone tells me they are going to do something like text me and they NEVER do. That just pisses me off. Like don't tell me you're going to text me when we get off the phone, then don't text me, & I understand you said you were going to bed but as soon as I texted you; you replied right away. Also, it's kind of funny how you only told me good night after someone else got off the phone. Oh gosh, sorry for that... I had to let that out. I wonder what I'm going to do this week... Hmm..Probably nothing. But I hope all of my little readers have a good spring break and if you're not on spring break I hope you have a good week ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

thanks mom.

"if god's the game that you're playing, well we must get more acquainted because it has to be so lonely to be the only one who's holy. it's just my humble opinion but it's one that i believe in, you don't deserve a point of view.. if the only thing you see is you..." so I love Paramore again, ka-ching. I got a checkout today and I got to lay down and force myself to stay awake.. Instead of sleeping. Oh the things I do to talk to you. But I went and ate at the hard rock and saw the "hard rock hottie" -that's the nickname of a guy my friend likes. It was pretty cool but awkward because my mom called him over to our table and talked to him then told him about my friend, which was beyond embarrassing... What if she didn't want him to know that she talks about him at school?! But anywho. I had to stop by my future work place and got me a small cup of cake batter ice cream, ahh, the best ice cream EVER. But my boss told me that she'll be calling me soon, EEK. But my freaking mom opened her mouth and is all, "Well, she is going to Ole Miss next month anyways... so that's a good thing that you haven't called her yet.." and I'm like WHAAA?! I'm going in like two weekends. Basically. If I don't count this one. That is not NEXT MONTH. When I think of next month I think of May because March is basically... over. So, my mom said she'll clear up the date with her tomorrow and mention that spring break is next week so I'll be free ;) So, hopefully I'll have a job. soon. I am starting to somewhat like BET only because of how the stupid channels are... And when I turn from MTV, bam, there is BET. But I have so much chem. homework and I need to remember my formulas.. But I think I may just enter them into my handy dandy calculator :) 'cause I don't even want to try to remember them, atm. After I finish this blog, I'm going to do ALL of my homework, I'm pretty proud of myself. Because I haven't done that, in like forever.... The commercial was edited and all of that good stuff today and it turned out to be pretty darn awesome. I like it. Even if you cannot hear anything I say at the end. Oh well. I'm sure nobody will be paying attention towards that part. I'm proud of me and my partner though. I'm so excited for tomorrow... I love going to the exceptional school it makes me feel so happy. And then after school I'm going to my besties, I think, then going to a tennis match, then bowling. I hope the mother can supply the $$ if not... I'm screwed. I have this bad habit of telling my mother about my plans the night before, so I just told her about everything but I still haven't mentioned the fact she has to pay for all of it. Hehe. Well time for homework, little readers, good night and sweet dreams to you all ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.

bully commercial.

"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.." that is definitely not true. Bullying in any sort of way, is just wrong. But this commercial is funny. Ah, today we tape our commercial for peer pressure. Once it's edited and all of that good stuff, I'll try to update it here... & maybe I'll start stealing our broadcasts every week and putting them here... enjoy little readers, ♥

xoxo,
C'aria.

sitting in class...

"is that your hand on my boyfriend? i wish you'd do it again, i'll watch you leave here limping..." I'm in class, atm, and the sad thing is I'm alone. Just sitting here. I don't feel upset though, I feel at peace. I do not need people to constantly surround me, I think I may have mentioned this before. I was soo upset last night and I really do apologize for that post but they called me but oh of course I was asleep. I texted them good night so why did they call anyways? But they did text me in the morning, before I made it to school. Which I haven't had in awhile.. It felt nice. I am listening to so many different conversations going on and I am completely envious of their happiness. Oh joy. I have a test next block and for once I am 100% not prepared for a math test. I didn't even attempt to study though, so that's my fault. I want a MacBook so instead of saving up $$ for just a regular laptop (after I buy my phone) I'm going to try to buy me one... That is just a lot of $$. And on top of that I have to start saving for the trip to France. I wish I had a parent with a job that actually paid much... But instead I have my mom. But I love her no matter what even if she makes minimum wage. That may be why I want to become a psychiatrist so bad because I could do exactly the same thing without prescribing medicine as a psychologist but I'll make half the pay. I mean I'm not in it for the money but it is a nice incentive. * I've never used that word before, I hope I used it right... 20 more minutes left before my next class and I am kind of like BLAH. I wish I could just sit here all day, typing my thoughts away.. I wrote a script for a commercial it made me feel nice. If everything goes wrong and I do not become a psychiatrist, I am unable to move to France, and I cannot become a psychologist.. My last resort will become a writer. It may suit me well.. I do not know, my thoughts are just way to jumbled for an actual story. I just made my daily wish. So far it has came true, every single day.. Except for two times last year. But I am happy knowing my wish will always come true.. as long as I allow it to. I was thinking about playing the flute again, the only problem: I'll need a teacher. I want to do Junior Miss next year but I have ZERO talent. So, I may do Beauty&Beau. I need some sort of confidence boost because I have none. I really want some Buffalo Wild Wings, I may treat myself this weekend to it... Since I'm going to have nothing else to do. I hope I get my job soon. Ah, I'm going to continue to blog about it until I actually do get my job.. Then I'd probably blog about how I hate it or something. -I hope I don't end up hating it though, I think I'll love it actually.- I wish I would've brought my phone into school so I could have sent someone a much needed text message. 'Cause right now I have the balls to do so. Maybe it's because my mind is clear and I'm not crying. Oh gosh my eyes are sooo droopy right now, I wish I could just fall asleep. I have this thing, though, where I cannot go to sleep at school for nothing in the world. It sucks. But oh well, I'm through rambling. I hope all my little readers are having a good day. ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.
p.s. I'm trying to send my commercial to my email so I could possibly upload it to here, so you all can share the laughter :)

i wish i had the balls to say this to you.

"stand in the rain, stand your ground. stand up when it's all crashing down... you stand through the pain..." i'm so upset mainly because i haven't had a real conversation with you, in days. it doesn't seem to bother you, at all, though... because if it did you would try to make a convo & not just say the same three things over & over again. it's like you don't even pay attention to our conversation, an hour later you reply with something that you said to me previously & that just really makes me mad. you cannot even take the time to read the conversation to see what it is you were talking about with me. i can't stop crying and it's only because i'm expecting a text / call that's never going to come.. everytime i receive a text i'm hoping it's from you, that your name will pop up... i somewhat realize why now i've never changed your name back to what it was before. i don't want to get too comfortable again. that'd be stupid of me, eh? oh i wish i could say all of this to you. instead of making my little readers read it. but if i did, it'll just start an argument ; & i definitely do not want to do that. then everything will be my fault again and i hate being in the wrong. i love you, of course but please give me some time of day and actually care enough to try to talk to me whenever possible. but the thing is you'll never know i feel this way. but i just do not have the balls to even mention something is wrong with me. i just texted you good night, that's like what my 5th time today texting you after you haven't replied? wow... look what i'm turning into. i'm pathetic. sorry little readers, i needed to get this off my chest. ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.