I could possibly get in trouble for this post

but I am so tired of people trying to push the whole religion thing on me. I am not a religious person. It is not like I do not believe that there could have possibly been some sort of higher-being at one point of time but I just do not understand how there could still be someone controlling the universe and "creating people".... I do not worship the devil. I do not believe in "God".. I just simply believe in science and that I did not in fact come from "God" and that humans did not come because "God" created Earth and everything in it but I believe that we eventually, over time, evolved into what it is we are today. Evolution makes sense. Science makes sense. Religion doesn't. How is it that there are so many different religions yet they are all suppose to exist and be real? Are there different quadrants in the sky for different religions? I just do not understand. Why is that gay people are committing a sin by being gay but yet they are supposedly created by "God"..? Oh, yeah, I learned the answer to that question the other day.. Because "nobody is born gay, if you really did not want to be gay anymore and devote your life to God.. you will." But in my eyes, nobody chooses to be a certain way. It is not a choice. Nobody wakes up one day and decides they want to be gay or straight. They just know they want to be that way. They feel those certain attractions to that sex because of SCIENCE.. because of the hormones that are released when you touch that person or look at that person not because of a bible telling you that this is how you are suppose to feel. Blah. I feel like I am going to get in a lot of trouble for this post. A lot of people do not know about my religious views but I am just SO tired of people trying to push me into being a religious person. I do not think that people that believe in God, Buddha, the Devil, or whatever are wrong because I could in fact be wrong but I am just a believer in science and the stuff that makes sense to me. I do not think when I die I am going to heaven or hell.. I believe when I die I am going to rot in my casket. Does that make me a bad person? So be it. I am still the person I was before you read this post and if anyone besides Sandra does read it then now you know how I feel about religion. Judge me if you please but I cannot help the way I feel and I am tired of having to hide my religious views because "society will shun me.." I am not a devil-worshipper.. I will NOT go to hell. If I do not believe in it, I am not afraid of it. That is all I am going to say about it.

Oh, one more thing, because I want to be a future psychiatrist is another reason for my religious views.. I do not see how I will be able to be successful in my field of study if I use religion to answer everything. Eventually you have to choose science or religion and I just chose at an early age.

But on another note: I went to Oxford this past weekend. I would love to say amazing things happened but we just toured the campus. Saturday was probably one of the worst days I've had in a long, long time but it is because of misunderstandings and listening to the wrong people.. I will never do that again. Anywho, the bell is going to ring soon. I am currently on Tumblr anyways. I most likely will end up deleting this blog anyways. I'm too scared of people judging me.

Things can never just be alright.

It is like every day something goes wrong. I don't like it. I just like being happy.. is that too much to ask for? But of course it all comes back to me. Because 99.9% of the time, all of the problems come from me and something I've said or done. I'm not perfect. No where near it. No where close to it. I should not be allowed to be happy because I bring pain upon everyone else.. I had this nice little blog just typed up but somehow I deleted it.. 'tis makes me sad. I wish I could update my playlist but I do not remember my password sooo oh well :) "Can't you hear my heart beat fast, I want this to last..." That's how I feel about me and my current boyfriend. I want things to work out. I know it will.. At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself because I'm in love with this dude. The feelings I feel for him, I have NEVER felt for someone else. I see myself with him for the rest of my life without even having to question how will things work out.. It's a great fucking feeling. Techno music makes my heart smile. I wish I could dance because I would definitely do Youtube videos of me dancing to techno :p I am currently watching my boyfriend and my little cousin play COD: Black-Ops.. this game intrigues me. Forreal. But anywho. I am kind of tired of blogging. So, I'm going to Tumblr. I can just look at stuff. Byes <3

I have school in the morning..

but yet I am wide-awake.. I just got a random urge to blog but now I don't really know what to say.... I was suppose to wash my hair tonight but of course I didn't because I'm too lazy well really it was because I was beyond tired and decided to nap for like three hours.. Homecoming week is next week, wooo! Blah. I am NOT excited though because all of the days are stupid and repeats.. I'm tired of doing the same thing every year... except Monday is different -- it's wig and flip flop day, yaaayyyyyyyyy ! But it is cold outside sooo I will most likely just wear school shoes, my shoes are cute anyways. So, I don't really mind. Anyways, my tummy and chest hurt really bad. At least my back feels a little better.. I cannot stand my body. I really wish I could trade bodies with someone else because nobody understands just how much pain I am always in... My tummy is doing this weird grumble, like you know you should not have ate those wings today... I'm done typing. My mind is blank. Buh-byes :3

Random Rambling.

I have seriously slacked off on the whole scholarship stuff. I don't know what happened like for a good month, I devoted 98% of my time to filling out scholarships, finding more scholarships, getting out my recommendation letters, etc.. but for the past week or so I have not even looked at any. Plus I have two deadlines approaching sooo I guess this weekend I will devote to filling out scholarships since everyone is going to be gone and I'm going to have nothing to do. I REALLY want some Buffalo Wild Wings like I am craving it but for some reason nooo-oneee wants to go with me, it's like I'm asking them to rob a bank or something, geeez. I am currently at school while everyone else is at the movies because I missed three days. Okay. Big deal. I still had 3 98's and 1 101 even with my three absences. And according to my principal, I will "learn my lesson"... he is acting as if I got a referral or something. I just didn't come to school. Two of the days were medical related and the other I was just tooo lazy to come to school. Big deal. Geez. Stfu. So, I decided that I'm going to just say f'trying to stay in school and not miss any days. I mean I'm already not eligible for exemptions anymore since I missed another day. Oh well. I am smart. I can pass my exams. It's not that big of a deal. It just aggravates me that people that make WAY worse grades than I do, are eligible for stuff because they don't miss school. I cannot help it if I am in pain. Or sick. Or lazy. I STILL MAKE GOOD FUCKING GRADES.

I am taking the ACT this weekend and I have not prepared for it, whatsoever.. So, I guess I will just be settling with my 27. It's not thaaat bad. I can still get some $$ for it. At least I hope so..

I am in a lot of pain right now and it hurts to type. I'm about to stop blogging now. The break bell rings soon and nobody is here to go to break with me soo I guess I will continue to sit in the library with no friends like a loser. Yuhh. Byes.

I always try to be strong, but somehow I end up failing..

The number one thing that upsets me more than anything else is being shut out.. & no, not upset in a way in which I am angry but for some unexplainable reason, it saddens the hell out of me. Like all I ever do is try to make sure everyone is okay, no matter what. I put everyone's happiness before mine but it just seems like nobody cares about that.. and they shut me out of their thoughts & feelings.. But why would you do that to someone who honestly cares about what is wrong with you..? I just dont understand. Maybe I should start being like everyone else and just worry about myself, I mean it seems like the right thing to do because apparently worrying about others is just causing me more harm than anything else.

Anyways, I am somewhat accepted into Ole Miss! I have been accepted into the department but I haven't been accepted into the school, yet.. but either way it is still good news :) even if everyone basically gets accepted, lol.

I saw an old friend of mine today, from 9th grade, and it made me really happy for a split second because it was like a piece of the old me was back.. But that shouldn't really make me happy considering the old me is someone I never want to be again. But either way I was still happy to see him.

I don't know what to type right now & I am fighting back tears. Nobody reads this so it does not matter. Bye.