I really am glad for the new people in my life and it puts a smile on my face (:
It feels nice when people randomly text me hello and I don't have to text them or if I leave my phone for a few hours, when I check it I have a few messages saying hey or something of that sort. Tomorrow, I have my very first job interview and at first I was getting all nervous about it then I was just like pshhh I'm 16 years old, I'm not going to act as if I'm an adult so I'm just going to be myself because in the end if they actually do hire me that's what I'm going to be every day at the job -- myself. I miss my old blogging style, I went back and read what I use to type about it and they were true rambles: the whole purpose of my blog. I don't know what's wrong with my gum(s) ? Either way it freaking HURTS. I'm hungry, atm.. I don't know what I'm going to eat though because I cannot cook... Lol, the girl on my favorite show likes to watch static instead of cartoons that would really creep me out. I seriously hate whenever a new Twilight movie comes out in theatre because that's all I see on FB and that's all I hear about.. I DO NOT like it so don't talk to me about it, k? I was actually debating on going to see it tonight though only because of boredom #fail gosh my life is so boring that I would actually go see a movie I despise the thought of... I'm ready to finish my cake batter ice cream, I have to hide it in the freezer and eat it whenever everyone goes to sleep :P I think tonight I'm going to finish it off sooo tomorrow I'll be making a trip to the grocery store. I realized that I like dressing "different" I don't know how to explain it. I like to be comfy and I hate dressing up. Today, I was going to wear shorts, comfy tee, pull over, & boots and when I looked at myself in the mirror I was like I really like the way I look but of course my mom had to say I looked country - 2nd time saying that in a week. But I've missed almost 30 minutes of my show so I'm going to stop now.. I like rambling though so I'm going to start again and I just came to the conclusion that I don't care if other people comment it or if I have any acknowledgement of people reading it like someone once said it's like "my online diary".. sweet dreams little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Wednesday, June 30
Day twelve.
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Dear unknown,
I've forgiven everyone to the best of my ability that has caused me pain or that I use to think I hate.. So, there is no point in writing this letter and bringing up old emotions. Yeah -- there are a lot of people that I still do not like but my reasons are stupid and there's no point in even getting into that. In a few years I will have completely forgotten about them and even if they caused me pain or they may have done shit to me to jeopardize my happiness, it's cool 'cause I hope in the end that gave them some sort of fulfillment because Karma is coming to get them..
xoxo,
C'aria.
I've forgiven everyone to the best of my ability that has caused me pain or that I use to think I hate.. So, there is no point in writing this letter and bringing up old emotions. Yeah -- there are a lot of people that I still do not like but my reasons are stupid and there's no point in even getting into that. In a few years I will have completely forgotten about them and even if they caused me pain or they may have done shit to me to jeopardize my happiness, it's cool 'cause I hope in the end that gave them some sort of fulfillment because Karma is coming to get them..
xoxo,
C'aria.
Tuesday, June 29
Twitter.
So, I hate Twitter well no I more of hate the people I'm following. I did something really stupid last night which I would have never done so I hope things aren't awkward between us after that.. UGH. I want to go back to the post a day thing but I really don't have much to say.. Besides the letters. I wish I was about to be a senior and not a junior -- that'll be great. I'm SO ready to be in college.. I was on FB and I was reading where someone blamed Obama for the whole oil spill situation and how he should've been doing something about instead of waiting so long.. The only thing I can say to that is: IT'S BP'S FAULT. So, I really wish that people would stop making racist remarks.. Racist people are ignorant people. Just because Obama is black doesn't mean he wants everything to be black - get real. I am getting a headache though so I'm going to end this little readers and go do my summer work.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Day eleven.
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Dear Grandpa,
This time last year, you were bugging the crap out of me and wouldn't leave me alone.. You didn't even seem sick. I knew you were though, I mean everyone knew.. But it was just that you were sick -- not that you were going to die. I took our time together for granted, I didn't know that you wouldn't see me turn 16, graduate high school, go off to college, etc.. Death was just one of those things I never could grasp and I still can't.. I still do not fully understand the fact that you're "gone".. I have your ashes in my bedroom so I know that physically you couldn't still be alive but I still think you're watching over me and that if I do something wrong, you'll chew me out like you always would. I hated the fact that you weren't okay with my religious views and you always told me I was going to Hell and that I needed to put my birth certificate in a bible. But now that you're gone, I wish you were still here to say stuff like that to me.. You should know though that grandma considers you her husband now, eh isn't that funny? I know if you were here, you'll be laughing your butt off about that and then me and you would talk about her. She has your car, she is even talking about getting your name tattooed on her... She told me that everyone in our family is selfish because they won't help her with the car and the problems that come with it -- But remember when you promised me that car for my 16th birthday? She took that from me. Our family isn't the same, my mom is always yelling about something but then again she starts crying randomly if someone starts talking about you. So, you're definitely missed.. It hasn't even been a year since you've passed but it feels like it's been so much longer, I miss you so much it's crazy.. You were like my dad and now I'm missing apart of myself. Even if to everyone else you were just my grandpa so I shouldn't be that upset about you passing, it felt like I was crying with my mom and uncle grieving the lost of our dad -- That's just HOW much you meant to me. I still love you Paw Paw, Grandpa, Ice Man...
"Something tells me you're still here with me...."
This time last year, you were bugging the crap out of me and wouldn't leave me alone.. You didn't even seem sick. I knew you were though, I mean everyone knew.. But it was just that you were sick -- not that you were going to die. I took our time together for granted, I didn't know that you wouldn't see me turn 16, graduate high school, go off to college, etc.. Death was just one of those things I never could grasp and I still can't.. I still do not fully understand the fact that you're "gone".. I have your ashes in my bedroom so I know that physically you couldn't still be alive but I still think you're watching over me and that if I do something wrong, you'll chew me out like you always would. I hated the fact that you weren't okay with my religious views and you always told me I was going to Hell and that I needed to put my birth certificate in a bible. But now that you're gone, I wish you were still here to say stuff like that to me.. You should know though that grandma considers you her husband now, eh isn't that funny? I know if you were here, you'll be laughing your butt off about that and then me and you would talk about her. She has your car, she is even talking about getting your name tattooed on her... She told me that everyone in our family is selfish because they won't help her with the car and the problems that come with it -- But remember when you promised me that car for my 16th birthday? She took that from me. Our family isn't the same, my mom is always yelling about something but then again she starts crying randomly if someone starts talking about you. So, you're definitely missed.. It hasn't even been a year since you've passed but it feels like it's been so much longer, I miss you so much it's crazy.. You were like my dad and now I'm missing apart of myself. Even if to everyone else you were just my grandpa so I shouldn't be that upset about you passing, it felt like I was crying with my mom and uncle grieving the lost of our dad -- That's just HOW much you meant to me. I still love you Paw Paw, Grandpa, Ice Man...
C'aria.
Monday, June 28
Day ten.
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Dear: CN&SS,
I miss talking to both of y'all and I wish things would be different between us.. At one point of time, I was best friends with both of you and now I don't talk to either of you guys. What happened? I miss our conversations, I miss our friendship.. Maybe things will change.. Who knows?
xoxo,
C'aria.
I miss talking to both of y'all and I wish things would be different between us.. At one point of time, I was best friends with both of you and now I don't talk to either of you guys. What happened? I miss our conversations, I miss our friendship.. Maybe things will change.. Who knows?
xoxo,
C'aria.
Day nine*
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Dear Daniel Jacob Radcliffe,
Even though I've had a new obsession for Justin Bieber, you've always been someone that I've wanted to meet since -- FOREVER. Your acting skills are incredible and the fact that you're sexy is a definite plus. I cannot wait to see your face again even though I hate that the movie is broken into two parts.. :/ You are someone that if I could- I would marry, that's just how much I love you. That's all I have to say now..
xoxo,
C'aria.
Even though I've had a new obsession for Justin Bieber, you've always been someone that I've wanted to meet since -- FOREVER. Your acting skills are incredible and the fact that you're sexy is a definite plus. I cannot wait to see your face again even though I hate that the movie is broken into two parts.. :/ You are someone that if I could- I would marry, that's just how much I love you. That's all I have to say now..
xoxo,
C'aria.
Saturday, June 26
PC4PC?
lmao, while uploading pictures on FB I thought of PC4PC which is a Myspace thing and it really made me l-o-l. Myspace was so.. idk how to explain it. Everyone wanted picture comments, messages, comments on their page, comments to their bulletins, tags in pictures -- it was a lot to keep up with. Facebook is simple, kinda, all I really want is likes or comments on my status(s) but I won't go begging for them by posting statuses fifty million times. I don't see how people still keep up with Myspace, I got on mine a few weeks ago and it's just ANNOYING. I realized today that I am semi-pretty like I can really turn heads but it's just taken me a long time to finally accept that 'cause I know people are always telling me that I'm pretty. Self esteem issues are nothing to play with. I'm ready for tomorrow -- dinner celebration with mom and best friend (I think it's safe to say that) for our ACT scores! Ugh, I have been annoying on Twitter because I really want Justin Bieber to RT or follow me ! I think I'd die if he actually did though but still it'd be awesome. So, if you follow me on Twitter, I do apologize but I'm not stopping anytime soon... I may even turn into those girls that are all, "So what are the chances that @justinbieber would tweet me back?" 'cause I know some girl did that today & he actually tweeted her ! And after I do if I do accomplish a RT or follow I'm moving on to Lady Gaga which may be harder -- haha I'm going to be doing this for years. I think blogging is kind of boring now though because I'm posting my thoughts up here but I get no comments, no acknowlegments that they are being read or that anyone actually cares; I could stick to Tumblr for that. I guess I just have to find more people with blogs and find more people to follow me.. Find people for me little readers? I'd love you forever..
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Day eight.
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Dear NH-- favorite internet friend,
I'm not sure if I'm suppose to say your name or not so I'll just stick to the initials.. We met on this website where we dressed up dolls and we became like bff then we both created gmails and we use to send each other fairy-tale stories.. I remember when I first created a Myspace it was because of you, I think, and I never thought it'll blow up like it did but I've shared SOO many secrets with you and we use to be able to talk for EVERRRR. I wish things never changed between us and that we still AIM'd each other all the time and randomly texted each other -- I can still remember that day you called me, that was different but great. But now we're suppose to be pen pals, maybe that'll improve our friendship. I still hope one day we'll meet in person ! You are absolutely the best online friend I could possibly ask for even if we don't talk anymore, you have this special little spot reserved in my heart and I know I can always count on you to listen whenever something is wrong with me. I love you darling and I miss you so much!
xoxo,
C'aria.
I'm not sure if I'm suppose to say your name or not so I'll just stick to the initials.. We met on this website where we dressed up dolls and we became like bff then we both created gmails and we use to send each other fairy-tale stories.. I remember when I first created a Myspace it was because of you, I think, and I never thought it'll blow up like it did but I've shared SOO many secrets with you and we use to be able to talk for EVERRRR. I wish things never changed between us and that we still AIM'd each other all the time and randomly texted each other -- I can still remember that day you called me, that was different but great. But now we're suppose to be pen pals, maybe that'll improve our friendship. I still hope one day we'll meet in person ! You are absolutely the best online friend I could possibly ask for even if we don't talk anymore, you have this special little spot reserved in my heart and I know I can always count on you to listen whenever something is wrong with me. I love you darling and I miss you so much!
xoxo,
C'aria.
Friday, June 25
EEEK.
So, I had a pretty great day and I did a happy dance like FIVE times -- that's a record. I got a call from Justice *place in Edgewater, sells little girls' clothes* and I have an interview next week, EEEK. I went and shopped at the Thrift Store and got a CUTE purse, 3 cute pull-over things (2 from Old Navy, 1 from NY&C) and 2 pair of jeans (aero but oh well) and it was all $7.00 - don't ask how. Then, I checked the mail and I made a 27 on the ACT, which is like 14 points higher than I told my mom I was going to make. I'm pretty happy with my score, I texted my dada and he was extremely proud.. that really made me smile. Ah, I'm soooo happppy right now little readers. EEEEK.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Day seven*
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Dear ex-boyfriend,
It's still weird whenever I see you and it's been forever&a day since we've dated. Our families still want us to be together even though it would be impossible for us to work... and sadly, I'm the only one that realizes that -- you still think it would. I don't understand why you get mad whenever I tell you that I still have a boyfriend and that me and you aren't going to get back together, it just isn't going to work. POINT BLANK. I do hope that one day things aren't so awkward between us and that we will be able to hang out as just two friends...
xoxo,
C'aria.
It's still weird whenever I see you and it's been forever&a day since we've dated. Our families still want us to be together even though it would be impossible for us to work... and sadly, I'm the only one that realizes that -- you still think it would. I don't understand why you get mad whenever I tell you that I still have a boyfriend and that me and you aren't going to get back together, it just isn't going to work. POINT BLANK. I do hope that one day things aren't so awkward between us and that we will be able to hang out as just two friends...
xoxo,
C'aria.
Wednesday, June 23
Day six.
Day 6 — A stranger
Dear stranger,
So.. I guess I should start off with my name, C'ariaAushla'Juan but I prefer to be called C'aria. From an outside perspective I guess you can say I'm pretty (at least that's what all my friends say) and that I'm nice for the most part. I am 16 years young but I have been through a shitload of a lot that I cannot even begin to talk about. I have a tendency to curse a lot, which I guess is a bad habit but I just cannot stop. I plan to attend Ole Miss in which I will be majoring in psychology and chemistry -- at least I plan on doing that. I have a love for Volkswagons and I hope that I do get one, soon. I love piercings & tattoos and when I turn 18 I plan on getting my: tongue, nose, hips, 2nd holes, & possibly eyebrow pierced. It may sound like a lot but I don't plan on keeping the eyebrow piercing or the nose. I also want to get two or three more tattoos. I make straight A's and I have no talent, whatsoever, so I stick to the books. I tend to be judged by a lot of people for reasons that I'm not sure of and I don't really have that many friends. I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for a year and four months and five girls that I call my best friend. That's really all I have to say about myself..
xoxo,
C'aria.
*that was different, didn't really know how to go about writing this one.
So.. I guess I should start off with my name, C'ariaAushla'Juan but I prefer to be called C'aria. From an outside perspective I guess you can say I'm pretty (at least that's what all my friends say) and that I'm nice for the most part. I am 16 years young but I have been through a shitload of a lot that I cannot even begin to talk about. I have a tendency to curse a lot, which I guess is a bad habit but I just cannot stop. I plan to attend Ole Miss in which I will be majoring in psychology and chemistry -- at least I plan on doing that. I have a love for Volkswagons and I hope that I do get one, soon. I love piercings & tattoos and when I turn 18 I plan on getting my: tongue, nose, hips, 2nd holes, & possibly eyebrow pierced. It may sound like a lot but I don't plan on keeping the eyebrow piercing or the nose. I also want to get two or three more tattoos. I make straight A's and I have no talent, whatsoever, so I stick to the books. I tend to be judged by a lot of people for reasons that I'm not sure of and I don't really have that many friends. I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for a year and four months and five girls that I call my best friend. That's really all I have to say about myself..
xoxo,
C'aria.
*that was different, didn't really know how to go about writing this one.
Tuesday, June 22
job hunting.
I fail. I think I give up, seriously. There is no hope for me. Oh, I tried wearing my skinny jeans that use to fit me oh so well.. but now I can't wear them buttoned up or else it pinches my fat -.- I need to hit the gym, soon. I need to do my summer work but I don't think I'm going to get anywhere.. The boyfriend is suppose to be coming over soon, don't really know when though.. Today makes a year & four months so I'm pretty happy about that. I'm currently watching BET and I think it's quite hilarious how songs that are so meaningless and stupid, are songs that everyone loves. I just really can't get into that unless it's super catchy and it just gets stuck in my head. Like Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus it's playing over and over in my head.. with little interruptions from, Miss Virgina by Train.. Blah. I want to enjoy the rest of my summer and I need plans little readers..
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Day five.
Day 5 — Your dreams
Dear dreams,
I hope that you come true, more than anything. I want to succeed in life. I don't want to have to stick to minimum wage and live paycheck to paycheck. When my daughter turns 16, I want to be able to buy (or at least try to buy) her the car of dreams and throw her a big party. When my son gets to that age where he has to have really nice shoes and clothes and $$ for his girlfriend, I want to be able to provide that. I want to be able to buy five volkswagons and live in a nice 2 story house with a loft. I want to be able to decorate my house like they do on TV and put my mom in a really nice house. So, dreams -- don't let me down.
xoxo,
C'aria.
I hope that you come true, more than anything. I want to succeed in life. I don't want to have to stick to minimum wage and live paycheck to paycheck. When my daughter turns 16, I want to be able to buy (or at least try to buy) her the car of dreams and throw her a big party. When my son gets to that age where he has to have really nice shoes and clothes and $$ for his girlfriend, I want to be able to provide that. I want to be able to buy five volkswagons and live in a nice 2 story house with a loft. I want to be able to decorate my house like they do on TV and put my mom in a really nice house. So, dreams -- don't let me down.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Monday, June 21
Day four*
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Dear sibling(s),
It has been 13 years since our father passed away and yet I barely know any of you. If someone asked me, I couldn't even tell them your names or even how old you are. I know I am the oldest and that we all live on the Gulf Coast except for one... And I think you live in Texas. My mom thinks that I should get to know all of you, which I think would be great before I graduate high school. I just have a fear of hanging out with one of you, I heard you needed my DNA? Creepy. But that is all I really have to say..
xoxo,
C'aria.
It has been 13 years since our father passed away and yet I barely know any of you. If someone asked me, I couldn't even tell them your names or even how old you are. I know I am the oldest and that we all live on the Gulf Coast except for one... And I think you live in Texas. My mom thinks that I should get to know all of you, which I think would be great before I graduate high school. I just have a fear of hanging out with one of you, I heard you needed my DNA? Creepy. But that is all I really have to say..
xoxo,
C'aria.
Saturday, June 19
Can't you just get over it?
I only know of a few people that I've actually trusted with my life and I guess that means I'm not the one to trust, easily but the truth is: Whenever I do give someone my trust, they mess it up not only for themselves but for the next person, too. I don't even know why I just typed that.. I guess I feel betrayed. I am listening to music and it is really helping me blog, the way I use to.. Not just random things but things that actually need to get out. Things I need to vent. I hate people who drink. Especially teenagers. It is not cute. It makes the most intelligent girl look sleazy and easy. It makes you look dumb, especially when you post pictures of it all over Facebook. Do you find that attractive? Is it 'cool' to get so drunk that you cannot even remember what happened the day before? Oh, but wait you joke around about that. It's funny to you. If I offend someone by what I post then I'm sorry, well not really because this is my place to vent. I started job searching, again.. But I really do think I'm going to give up.. There is no point. I really don't have anything else to say, atm.. I have to start getting dressed.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Day three.
Day 3 — Your parents
Dear Parents,
I address this to parents but in actuality I have a parent(mom) and a man that is suppose to be a father figure. Well for starters, after 16 years of you having practice of being a parental figure, you still have a lot of things to learn. You are still someone that still just has the label but there is not much meaning behind that. I mean yeah you buy me things that I am grateful for and you put food in my stomach but you can still put a man or drinking before me. I hate days when you go out and get drunk because I know you're going to end up drinking&driving and it makes me cry myself to sleep, which you probably don't know because on those nights you never come home. But I have two more years and then you'll realize just how much I mean to you. And then there is you, someone that came into my life whenever another one left. You are someone I considered a parent, someone that I love. But I've been replaced and it feels me with immense pain. You have a family of your own now and it's cute I guess. I see all of the family portraits. All of the family gatherings. But I'm not there, I'm never invited. You were suppose to always be in my life, no matter what. You came into my life so why are you not in it now? Am I still getting that car for graduation? Or are you saving that for your own children now? Because now you have children that are blood related to you? Last time I remembered, you did consider me one of yours. The only time I hear from you is when you want to make sure I'm still doing well in school. Are you proud of me? I remember once I texted you randomly telling you that I love you and how much I miss you. I never got a reply. You have no clue how much that hurt me. And when my grandpa got sick, I told you more than once to come visit him because you know how much you meant to him. But you were too busy I guess. I gave you months and then when he got in the hospital and I told you not too much time was left, you still weren't there. But you did send flowers, thank you. Wow.. this was hard to type.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Friday, June 18
summer work and boyfriends.
I feel extremely stressed out and I don't know if it is from doing so much summer work or because of the boyfriend. I kind of do not want to actually go into detail about what exactly is going on but I need to let it out, bad. Well lately I've been feeling like a really really really bad girlfriend and it's mainly because of the fact I don't take the time out of my day to go see my boyfriend? At least that's how it seems.. When really I just don't have time or if I do have time I don't have transportation. But this whole us not seeing each other is really causing things between me and him to be --horrible. I hate it. Then summer work is making me want to pull out all of my hair and go crazy. I am soooo behind. I feel like a slacker :/ and I guess I should listen to one of my teachers because I am seriously way to hard on myself. I am close to tears right now because of the fact I feel so bad about being so behind on my work. I am going to pick up the pace, fast. That means I'm going to end this little readers and start on my summer work.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Day two*
Day 2 — Your Crush
Dear Crush,
xoxo,
C'aria ♥
Wednesday, June 16
Day one.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Dear best friend,
I never thought in a million years that we'll be this close and I am honestly happy that you are still in my life. We have been through a lot but I've always known that you'll still be there for me. We've shared a lot of memories together and I'm always going to cherish those close to my heart. Thank you for being in my life, I love you.
xoxo,
C'aria.
p.s. I'm still not sure who this is actually for...
xoxo,
C'aria.
p.s. I'm still not sure who this is actually for...
I've slacked off.. again.
So, I guess I've been extremely lazy lately because I haven't had enough energy to get up and get on the computer to actually blog.. But I wanted to blog about the Train concert so I shall do so.. now. Okay so the concert was Friday, June 11th and my mom was all, "I don't want to go C'aria, are you sure you want to go?!" Well I guess she wasn't done venting to me because she vented to two of her customers.. one of which was: Jimmy Stafford (the lead guitarist dude) and she called the band boring and how she was going to hate the concert. He then started to sing to her to see if she knew any of the songs and she didn't so she started talking about the band, again. Well needless to say they only tipped her 8$, lmao. Afterwards she looked at a picture of the band and then realized who she was talking to.. She was pretty embarrassed. Well about the concert: It was amazing even if I didn't know a lot of the songs, I DO NOW -- that's all that matters :) But Pat Monahan (lead vocalist dude) was extrememly cool and he had the whole crowd laughing, numerous times. He called five little girls up to the stage and they were so excited, it was great, he let them sing, dance, get a t-shirt, touch him numerous times, & then he took a picture with one of the girls right before she got off stage. He also proposed to the whole crowd but it was like only the people in the very first row *oh forgot to mention I was in the VERY front like 3 rows back from the stage* and he came down and touched everyone that he was able to reach.. (I almost got to touch him then).. Then he crowd surfed (only the rows close to the stage) and I almost touched him, again. They also started throwing out things like guitar picks and drum sticks and I almost got hit in the head by two drum sticks.. But I just can't catch so the lady right in front of me got one and the lady right behind me got the other.. Well the concert was great, the music was great, just everything! & Oh some man got mad at this lady and pushed her so hard that she ran into like five people, including me, and I had beer wasted all on my pants that dripped into my shoes -ewwww-. But I think I covered everything important. I definitely want to see them in concert again!
I don't want to start a whole new post for this because I'm saving my other post for my letter.. But last night my mom went and got a tattoo, which I absolutely love, it has lyrics from Train "When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me...." and birds, it's located on her chest(?) by her collar bone. And it's for my grandpa so it has meaning.. My uncle is going back and getting the same thing tattooed on him tonight, I wish I had the guts to get all of that tattooed on me then I'll get it, too. But I MAY be getting my infinity sign tonight, yay.. I just don't know where I want it anymore. I thought I still had 2 years to decide that. But I'm done for now little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.
I don't want to start a whole new post for this because I'm saving my other post for my letter.. But last night my mom went and got a tattoo, which I absolutely love, it has lyrics from Train "When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me...." and birds, it's located on her chest(?) by her collar bone. And it's for my grandpa so it has meaning.. My uncle is going back and getting the same thing tattooed on him tonight, I wish I had the guts to get all of that tattooed on me then I'll get it, too. But I MAY be getting my infinity sign tonight, yay.. I just don't know where I want it anymore. I thought I still had 2 years to decide that. But I'm done for now little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Tuesday, June 8
i'm going to do this & so should you...
WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
*I'll be starting tomorrow.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
*I'll be starting tomorrow.
:D or D: ?
so.. tomorrow I'm kinda excited for and then again I'm pretty sure I'm going to be disappointed.. 'cause of my stupid family. Hmm what is there to do on Wednesday's? I still haven't ordered my phone, unfortunately.. But my mom said that'll she get it tomorrow.. sigh. I hope so. But even when I order it I'm going to still have to wait for it to come in and I don't even know how long that'll take. Ew. I hope by the end of the week/month/summer.. ONE of the places I applied for calls me, that'll be amazing. I came across a quote today that said, "the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. if you hate someone, you still care," so that means after all I never really hated all of those people *especially that one girl 'cause I never cared about them.. Hmph. That makes me feel better :) I think one day I'm going to do a whole post with just quotes because there is SO many that I want to share with my little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Sunday, June 6
i wanna scream.
Okay so things just backfired and I don't know what to think of this.. hmph. This sucks. I'm stuck in the same position I was in a few months ago and it's all because of the fact I got greedy, I guess you should say.. And now my phone has ZERO signal or something 'cause I can't text ANYBODY. But I came to a conclusion whenever I do get my new phone, whenever that'll be, I'm not saving any of my old numbers on it. I'ma still have them on my other two phones & on my SIM card but I'm not going to have them where I can just text them or look at them.. And that'll make it where the only numbers I have are the only ones I need.. If that makes sense. I wish I could just tell them what's going on instead I'm going to just keep acting dumb and smiling away, it does me good. I really don't have much to say..
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
BLB!
Okay, first off: Talk shit that you know. Kthx. But you know how I'm not the biggest fan of rap..? Well my friend is apart of this group, Blacklight Boys, and their lyrics are like amazing 'cause it's not all "sleeping with girls, making money, etc.." so yeah you should check them out: http://www.myspace.com/blacklightboyz but anyways I'm in this sort of stage of where I think I deserve happiness, again.. And I don't feel happy whatsoever. It scares me to be honest 'cause I don't know what this means or why I'm feeling this way. But it reminds me of this quote, "I'm in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is.. Or maybe it's my heart that's doing the insisting?! I can't really tell.. You know that feeling?" So as of now I'm just going to say I'm confused, that'll be the safe way of dealing with these emotions. Last night was actually WAY better than I thought it was going to be and I'm happy for that, thank you.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Thursday, June 3
the baby is home!
Yesterday I was so happy and I kept screaming, "THE BABY IS COMING, THE BABY IS COMING." I know the boyfriend got tired of hearing it, lol. But oh well I was really happy and I still am. He can say my name now "o not CeCee but C'aria! I'm proud of the little boy. He also knows how punch the crap out of you, flip you off, scream at you, etc.. He sings little songs, plays rock paper scissors with you, says bless you when you sneeze, ahhh.. It's just so cute. A lot has changed in 2months. But enough about the baby.. While doing my daily search for quotes I came across this one: "Mr. Right is coming, but his plane crashed in Africa and he's walking." And it made me instantly think about a fellow reader/twitter follower/facebook friend.. mainly because a lot of things they update/blog is about love. And when I read that it made me smile because I could imagine all of these perfect men walking towards all of these girls who just cannot seem to find "Mr. Right"... So, basically: He's coming, it is just going to take some time.. Don't rush him though because if you do, you may end up with the wrong man.. The man intended for someone else and yours is still walking towards you.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Wednesday, June 2
reminds me.. of me.
"She's only sixteen years old. She's not perfect, never has been, never will be. She's emotional and she doesn't think about things before she says them. She'll say some things that will make you want to strangle her. She'll probably hurt you and make more mistakes than you can imagine. She doesn't mean to, but she probably will. However, she'll apologize. She's still learning about everything, even if she thinks she already knows it. She's been hurt. Sometimes she feels so alone she can't stand it. Other times she's so happy she can't believe it. She's just trying to figure out this twisted time in her life when everything gets real complicated, real fast. And everything seems to spin out of control before she ever begins to understand what's going
on. But she loves, laughs, and does her best. And that's all you can ever ask of her."
&
"I'm the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen. I'm the girl who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I'm the girl who wouldn't make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I'm the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rahter than going to some fancy restaurant. I'm the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I'm the girl who won't make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead. I'm the girl who will love you more than anyone could possibly dream of. I'm the girl who would give the world the world to see you smile. I'm the girl who cries herself to sleep at night thinking of you, when I know I'm the last thing on your mind. I'm the girl who feels alone, even in a crowded room. Yeah, I'm that girl."
I really do like those quotes, they describe me.. perfectly. Which is something that I've had trouble doing lately.. I don't know myself.. If that makes sense.
xoxo,
C'aria.
Tuesday, June 1
English.
*This just popped into my head... I think it's funny when the "smart kids" still do not know the difference between your & you're, to & too, there, they're, & their, were & we're, etc.. Hehe.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
quotes.
I have this new obsession, well it's kind of old but I just started doing it again, reading quotes! I LOVE reading them. I can stay on the computer for hours and hours just looking at quotes & listening to music. It really does calm me. Well last night I came to the conclusion that I have NO ONE. I sat in the car for at least an hour crying my eyes out & I didn't have anyone to call, nobody to text to tell my problems to. That's upsetting. And it made me cry more. So, I just kept crying and crying. Until my phone started dying. Then I came inside to finish my argument via text messaging. Then I got a phone call in which I stood outside for 3 hours walking back and forth (woke up in a lot of pain) arguing out our problems.. Then after the argument I realized that again, I have no one. I have a boyfriend. Family. But I'm missing the friends in that equation. But I do have quotes, ka-ching, to comfort me.. That's a plus right? Lol. So, yano how I applied for American Eagle? Well, I called them to check the status of my application. *The mother said that shows that you're actually interested in the job. And the lady told me they'll be calling everyone they want to interview, tomorrow.. And that upset me 'cause now I know when they'll be calling.. So, if I don't get a call tomorrow, I'm probably going to cry- no lie. I also called Pac Sun and the manager said that the hiring manager is starting to look at applications tomorrow so she'll put my name down so that she'll be sure to look@it.. So, hopefully I will have a job, soon. I went to the movies with the family and it was nice. I didn't have to pay anything (food,3D glasses, movie ticket) all I had to do was get dressed and go to the movies. I like that. But we watched Shrek Forever After and it was a really good movie! I just left with a MAJOR headache because I have to put the 3D glasses over my glasses -___- I wish I had enough $$ to pay for my own contacts because the mother says they are TOO expensive, blah. But the next time I get an eye appointment, I'm SUPPOSE to be getting sunglasses.. Costas or Vera Bradley's... Yumm :) Both of them though are like 140 and that's not even including the costs of them having to do that special, "thinning", 'cause of my prescription.. So, I don't know how expensive the sunglasses actually are.. But I'm about to continue looking at quotes. Bye little readers.
xoxo,
C'aria.
xoxo,
C'aria.
