Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Dear Grandpa,
This time last year, you were bugging the crap out of me and wouldn't leave me alone.. You didn't even seem sick. I knew you were though, I mean everyone knew.. But it was just that you were sick -- not that you were going to die. I took our time together for granted, I didn't know that you wouldn't see me turn 16, graduate high school, go off to college, etc.. Death was just one of those things I never could grasp and I still can't.. I still do not fully understand the fact that you're "gone".. I have your ashes in my bedroom so I know that physically you couldn't still be alive but I still think you're watching over me and that if I do something wrong, you'll chew me out like you always would. I hated the fact that you weren't okay with my religious views and you always told me I was going to Hell and that I needed to put my birth certificate in a bible. But now that you're gone, I wish you were still here to say stuff like that to me.. You should know though that grandma considers you her husband now, eh isn't that funny? I know if you were here, you'll be laughing your butt off about that and then me and you would talk about her. She has your car, she is even talking about getting your name tattooed on her... She told me that everyone in our family is selfish because they won't help her with the car and the problems that come with it -- But remember when you promised me that car for my 16th birthday? She took that from me. Our family isn't the same, my mom is always yelling about something but then again she starts crying randomly if someone starts talking about you. So, you're definitely missed.. It hasn't even been a year since you've passed but it feels like it's been so much longer, I miss you so much it's crazy.. You were like my dad and now I'm missing apart of myself. Even if to everyone else you were just my grandpa so I shouldn't be that upset about you passing, it felt like I was crying with my mom and uncle grieving the lost of our dad -- That's just HOW much you meant to me. I still love you Paw Paw, Grandpa, Ice Man...
"Something tells me you're still here with me...."
This time last year, you were bugging the crap out of me and wouldn't leave me alone.. You didn't even seem sick. I knew you were though, I mean everyone knew.. But it was just that you were sick -- not that you were going to die. I took our time together for granted, I didn't know that you wouldn't see me turn 16, graduate high school, go off to college, etc.. Death was just one of those things I never could grasp and I still can't.. I still do not fully understand the fact that you're "gone".. I have your ashes in my bedroom so I know that physically you couldn't still be alive but I still think you're watching over me and that if I do something wrong, you'll chew me out like you always would. I hated the fact that you weren't okay with my religious views and you always told me I was going to Hell and that I needed to put my birth certificate in a bible. But now that you're gone, I wish you were still here to say stuff like that to me.. You should know though that grandma considers you her husband now, eh isn't that funny? I know if you were here, you'll be laughing your butt off about that and then me and you would talk about her. She has your car, she is even talking about getting your name tattooed on her... She told me that everyone in our family is selfish because they won't help her with the car and the problems that come with it -- But remember when you promised me that car for my 16th birthday? She took that from me. Our family isn't the same, my mom is always yelling about something but then again she starts crying randomly if someone starts talking about you. So, you're definitely missed.. It hasn't even been a year since you've passed but it feels like it's been so much longer, I miss you so much it's crazy.. You were like my dad and now I'm missing apart of myself. Even if to everyone else you were just my grandpa so I shouldn't be that upset about you passing, it felt like I was crying with my mom and uncle grieving the lost of our dad -- That's just HOW much you meant to me. I still love you Paw Paw, Grandpa, Ice Man...
C'aria.
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