i wish i had the balls to say this to you.

"stand in the rain, stand your ground. stand up when it's all crashing down... you stand through the pain..." i'm so upset mainly because i haven't had a real conversation with you, in days. it doesn't seem to bother you, at all, though... because if it did you would try to make a convo & not just say the same three things over & over again. it's like you don't even pay attention to our conversation, an hour later you reply with something that you said to me previously & that just really makes me mad. you cannot even take the time to read the conversation to see what it is you were talking about with me. i can't stop crying and it's only because i'm expecting a text / call that's never going to come.. everytime i receive a text i'm hoping it's from you, that your name will pop up... i somewhat realize why now i've never changed your name back to what it was before. i don't want to get too comfortable again. that'd be stupid of me, eh? oh i wish i could say all of this to you. instead of making my little readers read it. but if i did, it'll just start an argument ; & i definitely do not want to do that. then everything will be my fault again and i hate being in the wrong. i love you, of course but please give me some time of day and actually care enough to try to talk to me whenever possible. but the thing is you'll never know i feel this way. but i just do not have the balls to even mention something is wrong with me. i just texted you good night, that's like what my 5th time today texting you after you haven't replied? wow... look what i'm turning into. i'm pathetic. sorry little readers, i needed to get this off my chest. ♥
xoxo,
C'aria.