So, my longdistancelover is f'in STUPID. I don't see things working out with me and him, at all.. It is not because I don't like him because I like him a lot but the thing is the feelings are not mutual or something of that sort. He has been ignoring me which is throwing me allll the way off but then when I do talk to him, he tells me that he still likes me and that he doesn't want to stop talking to me -- SO TF? I don't know what to do about that whole situation.. I feel like if I give up now, I'm going to regret it but then again there is not much for me to hold on to, atm. Music is therapy ♥ if it wasn't for me listening to music right now, I honestly think I would be having an anxiety attack. Crying + anger + anxiety = not good. "I don't wanna know it's over, so save your goodbye kiss. I don't wanna know it's over 'cause ignorance is bliss." -- that's how I feel right now. (I'm rambling, btw, 'cause I know this isn't making much sense) It is like I don't want to give up on him. I canNOT give up on him. I want him to be my soul mate. I want him to be that boy that I end up dating in college and we fall in love and get married and do not separate until death. He just doesn't seem like he wants the same thing, though. I mean yeah he tells me that he wants me in his life for, forever but does that mean he wants me as his friend? or what? I don't even know. Ah, hello tears.. I haven't missed you -___-
Anyways, my life is so different right now... I don't talk/hang out with any of the same people I use to.. It is like now it is just me & three people that hang out. But I'm cool with that, people move on and find better friends -- I've accepted that. The other day I woke up to a "good night beautiful, I hope you're sleeping well :*" text message and it made me smile so hard! Even if it wasn't from the person I wanted it to be from it was still one of the sweetest things that has been said to me in like 4months..
My thoughts are all jumbled right now, though, so I'm going to end this.
xoxo,
C'aria.
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I protray happiness while deep inside I am crying
2 thought(s):
I've seen this before, but with a guy that's actually not long distance. My friend wanted the exact same things, but she ended up ending it because he never responded to her, and it broke her heart. She's been hurting for a while, but honestly I think she hurt herself more for wanting so much in the first place in such little time.
I wouldn't advise you to want him to be that guy so much. Especially this guy that can't say a simple heartfelt thing towards you like you want him to.
There's just already too many little problems that bother you. I don't think it's worth the emotional pain.
That's what I honestly think I am doing... I thik I'm just causing myself so much emotional pain because of this whole ordeal with him and it is kind of like I am seeking comfort from him even though he is the causing the pain.. If that makes any sort of sense. But, I do believe you're right. Things are ended between me and him, we're strictly just friends. If something happens in the future then I'll be happy but if not then oh well.
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