Confused.

I want to blog but I am scared of how it may come out so I am just going to say that I have decided on what school I am definitely going to and I just hope that I can stick to my whole plan of double majoring and hopefully stay in the RC or get the Luckyday scholarship.. hopefully.

I have a major decision to make and I don't know if I am going to be able to make it. It is going to have a huge impact if I do though.

I am too moody and in so much pain that I don't think I can write this blog right now. I really wanted to blog though. I had a whole topic to blog about and everything.. oh well.

Bye.

This was never my intention, I promise.

I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you... it was not my intention.

I regret what happened. I wish I could blog more in detail but just know I am full of regret. I always said I would regret nothing but oh I do regret this.. I feel like I hurt the one person who means the most to me.. and the fact that we aren't talking right now hurts sooo bad, honestly.

Anywho: I am determined to have Wuthering Heights finished today. Yuhh.

I love you.

My reason to smile.

If I pushed you away, the way you push me away.. Would you still have a lot of reasons to stay?

I don't know where I am going with this post but I am just a jumble of emotions right now.. Happiness, sadness, madness, sickness, etc.. First off: for some odd reason I have not felt terrific the past few days and I don't know why.. It sucks monkey balls though... Second order of business: it is getting closer to Thanksgiving and to the end of the month which means that before long it will be five months for me and Dwight ^___^ yay! I am sooo happy with him, no lie. Yet, I don't feel like the feeling's mutual at all times? I don't know.. right now we aren't talking so of course I'm sad.. I guess I am just too sensitive. I just like it when we are talking & laughing & touching each other & looking at each other but then again when we're not it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong.. Yeah, this truly is a ramble because I honestly do not know where I am going with this and I am sure it isn't making much sense. I put some italized words at the beginning of this post because I feel like I am pushed away. I do not think it is intentional, it may just be my sensitivity again.. whatever the case may be I still feel like I am pushed away. Maybe it is out of fear? Because at first I was terrified as hell to even get close to someone again and I had all of my walls up but I let those tumble down and now I am vulnerable I guess but I am still not fearful.. So basically, I do not want to be pushed away..... I am about to take a nap I guess. Maybe when I wake up things will be better. At least I hope so because like I said before Dwight makes me soo happy. Oh & yeah I know my happiness should not depend on someone else but it does. Point blank. I wish I could erase the "maybe when I wake up things will be better" because honestly there is nothing wrong with us.. We are happy. We are a great ass couple. I am done rambling. Yuhh. Byes :3

I wasn't going to blog BUT

I need something to keep me awake. After school today, we are having a French club party and I cannot wait, eeeek :p I think I may have placed that comma in the wrong spot but I honestly do not care right now. That is how tired I am. I am currently in the library and nobody is in here... I was sitting with a friend of mine but he decided to go outside sooo it is just me. By myself. Woo. I could be writing stuff for my essay but I don't care about that either. The essay is stupid to me. It's pointless. Why do we have to do it..? I don't know. It will NEVER be on the AP exam so why even bother? That's what I want to know... I thought this class was suppose to prepare me for the AP exam but really all I know is vocabulary words and uh.. that's it. I am fed up with this year. I feel like everyone is slacking and nothing productive is getting done. I am not learning anything in any of my classes. I am instead just sitting around, sleeping, or talking.. That is not what I come to school for. Granted, it is nice not having to do any work but I am a senior about to go off to college and I really do not need to start slacking off now.

I am so emotionally worn out. My body is drained. I am moody. I hate feeling like this. I'm starting to have my random cravings again and for once in like forever, I honestly want a nice bottle of peach soda. Ohmybob. I cannot wait until third block because I am taking my butt straight to sleep. I don't need to be involved in the review game because the tests are that easy.

I am running out of stuff to say so this was probably a very useless blog but oh well :)

I got my ACT score.. I fail at life. Yuh. Bye :3

I want to blog but I'm not sure what I want to blog about..

I am currently in the library with the assignment of writing the senior class article. My mind is blank. Completely blank. The thoughts I am having are:

• Why are people afraid to talk about sex?
• Why do people condemn people that smoke/drink/have sex/party/etc..?
• Why have I been so lazy, lately?
• If I don't make a 27 or higher on the ACT, I am not even bothering to apply for Stanford and Yale.
• If I do get accepted into one of those colleges and get paid enough money where I will be able to afford it, what will happen with me and Dwight?

Elaboration on my last bullet, I would LOVE to attend Stanford or Yale, more specifically Stanford. It'll be the best experience of my life. The campus is beautiful. The dorms are beautiful, residential or traditional--it doesn't matter. The area is beautiful. But then again it is so far away. I would have to leave everything behind and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that... For graduate school? Maybe. Just not for undergraduate.. So, most likely I will be at Ole Miss for four years. Woooo. It's familiar. It's close to home. It's something that I am not afraid of. I know fear shouldn't keep me from going to my dream school but then again the familiarity of Ole Miss and the area makes me happy, plus my boyfriend will be attending Ole Miss so that's a good thing ^_____^

I just had to listen to little girls complain about stupid shit like curfews.

It wasn't an argument against curfews, which is what I expected but they were talking about how their friends should have one BECAUSE it shows that they're loved by their parents.. Uh. Pause. What high school student actually wants to have a curfew? That is what I want to know. By high school, you should already know your parents care for you and shouldn't need restrictions to be able to tell.

I have that curse word in bold and I am afraid that Kimbrell is going to come behind me and read it. But it isn't like he is going to say anything but still. I am going to just type and type until I can no longer see it :)

I am going to start my wish-list because Black Friday is coming up AND Christmas is next month so y'know what that means, SHOPPINGGGGG!

I want:

1. The limited-edition Toms with a little moustache on them.
2. A GRAY pull-over from Hollister.
3. Calculus 101 Toms.
4. New skinny jeans.
5. A pair of boots.
6. A hoop lip ring 16g.
7. A diamond stud lip ring 16g.
8. An industrial bar.
9. Boy sweatpants.
10. Graphic Tees.

K. The break bell will be ringing in like ten minutes or so.. So, I am going to look at stuff online. Byes :3

Oh, btw, I la-la-laLOVE Movemeber. It makes my heart smile. The whole entire month, I am going to see MOUSTACHES EVERYWHERE. EEEEK. I am going to be such a happy girl.

Don't judge me.

I notice everything..

even those little minute details so when I'm concerned, 99.9% of the time I have a legit reason to be. Oh, did I already mention that I hate being pushed away? If you want me in your life, put me there 100% expose me to everything about you, your emotions, your relationships, friendships, etc.. Don't just show me the "good parts" of you. I try so hard to be happy because that is allll I want.. to be happy. It shouldn't be that hard, right? Wrong. I end up doing something wrong every day which leads me to be upset at myself.. My anxiety is starting to get bad again. I am a lot more emotional than I was before and I think about death and me just disappearing off of the face of the planet a lot more.. I know it isn't good to think about dying but when I get like this, the list of reasons to live gets shorter and shorter.. Not saying I am going to end up killing myself because that isn't the case.. I just wish I had more reasons as to why I shouldn't, y'know?

I am going to probably have my first failing grade tomorrow but I don't care.. Honestly.

I am tired of blogging. It's complicated from my phone, bye.