I notice everything..

even those little minute details so when I'm concerned, 99.9% of the time I have a legit reason to be. Oh, did I already mention that I hate being pushed away? If you want me in your life, put me there 100% expose me to everything about you, your emotions, your relationships, friendships, etc.. Don't just show me the "good parts" of you. I try so hard to be happy because that is allll I want.. to be happy. It shouldn't be that hard, right? Wrong. I end up doing something wrong every day which leads me to be upset at myself.. My anxiety is starting to get bad again. I am a lot more emotional than I was before and I think about death and me just disappearing off of the face of the planet a lot more.. I know it isn't good to think about dying but when I get like this, the list of reasons to live gets shorter and shorter.. Not saying I am going to end up killing myself because that isn't the case.. I just wish I had more reasons as to why I shouldn't, y'know?

I am going to probably have my first failing grade tomorrow but I don't care.. Honestly.

I am tired of blogging. It's complicated from my phone, bye.