I always blog about my boyfriend/friends/school/life .. But I rarely blog about my family and if I do, it's normally not good things. Yesterday around 3 in the morning, I got a message informing me that my mom and uncle had gotten into a wreck and were in the hospital. Ok. The tears instantly started to form and worry filled my body, I didn't know what happened or the severity of their injuries. Well, after I asked a lot of questions I found out that they were okay besides my mom had a few minor injuries BUT that still didn't calm me down. All I could think about was what if things had happened differently? What if I would have lost one or both of them? It was too much for me to bear so I just pushed those thoughts aside. Basically: until yesterday I didn't know just how much I cared for my family & how I don't want to lose them. I think that was idk if the word is selfish but whatever the word, it shouldn't have taken me until now to figure that out.
Another train of thought: I really do miss the old people in my life, I have a lot of people I say "oh, that was my best friend." & that reaaaaalllllyyyy makes me sad. I'm not complaining about the people I have in my life now, I just wish I had them with the addition of a few people from my past. It is like no matter how mad I was at them, the memories of all the fun times we had together triumphs that anger.
Yesterday, my secret Santa gave me mustache earrings !!! Oh my gosh, I am so happy. I was told I had the best reaction to my present :3 I finished my AP English exam in one day when it's suppose to be a two day exam so I'm kind of scared as to how well I actually did.
I realized that it is as if I'm trying to squeeze into a spot that wasn't made for me.. Okay, let me explain because that statement was very vague. Everyone expects me to do amazingly well in life.. Go off to an university, finish my undergrad then go to a graduate school.. But what if I don't want that anymore? What if I told them I just wanted to become a teacher? Or not go to college at all? They wouldn't approve of that. Not saying I don't want to go on the path, they've pre-routed for me it's just I feel like maybe I won't fit.. Then what?
1 thought(s):
I had the same issue with the success after high school thing. Graduating #1, being in the Honors Program, there's high expectations of me doing graduate school or a PhD program...and it took me a year and a half to realize that that was what everyone expected of me, and that I wasn't living to my own expectations if I even had any of my own. I love school and I love learning, but I'm not sure post-undergraduate education is for me.
Unless I'm not the one paying for it, and whoever I'm working for needs me to have another degree.
Meanwhile, my next goal is Disney :)
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