what am i?

"My best friend gave me the best advice. He said each day is a gift and not a given right..."
that beginning always makes me think about life ; I mean what exactly is 'life' ? I understand what it is, don't get me wrong, but isn't life what you make of it? So, why is it that I am constantly unhappy with my life and the people in it? Does that mean I am purposely making my life a shit-hole? Or am I still pursuing that true happiness that only comes when I'm older and out of my mom's house? Whatever the case may be, I just overall want a better life for myself. I strive for nothing but excellence in school so that maybe it'll pay off in the end with lots of $$$ but I think I take it too far, now, because of my want for good grades I'm no longer friends with 'pit bull' who was once someone I could really call a best friend. But the sad part is I'm not even sad about the loss, instead I just shut the door and moved on. Which I do with quite a few people and I am starting to feel as if I'm cold-hearted or maybe I am just soo hurt I've put up this wall that barricades my heart and nobody is tearing it down so no tears are being shed but either way I still have a smile on my face even though I lost someone close to me. So what does that make me....?
xoxo,
Caria